The Flock's Declassified Fiction Survival Guide
by Terelex
Summary: When the Flock find themselves caught in the middle of yet another big mess, they know that this time, for the sake of their sanity and the safety of those around them, they have to get back.
1. Prologue

**Hello, everybody, and welcome to the sequel to 'A Ring of Wings', The Flock's Declassified Fiction Survival Guide (title subject to change… actually, let me know if you have a better idea because really I suck at titles…)! Although the category is technically a crossover between Maximum Ride and Harry Potter, there are a few other fandoms that will host our much-beloved Flock. You might be familiar with them, you might not – but don't panic! The Flock aren't familiar with **_**any **_**of these stories or plotlines, so they'll all be described in-depth, no previous experience necessary. Who knows, you may find yourself interested in one of them.**

**Some of these situations might seem a little awkward, but don't worry, there will be lots of wiggle room and the Flock members will be jumping around a bit.**

**Also, if you just really can't stand one of the crossovers, each new chapter will include the escapades of other Flock members as well, so if you really want to you can just skip over them.**

**And finally, for those of you who are just joining us, you may want to read the story that comes before this, A Ring of Wings, but you know, you don't have to.**

**Oh wait, I lied, one more thing. Review ;)**

**PROLOGUE**

**-ITEX**

Tessorori looked down at the six children lying on the gurneys in front of him. He frowned and wordlessly moved over to the hulking machine that controlled their thoughts.

"So we have, like, two months to make this thing work for us or else we're fired and assassinated by monkeys," said Werner. "Any ideas?"

"I still think that Lord of the Rings idea was the geekiest idea ever, but I like the concept," Kidd said. "The problem was, they knew the outcome."

"Right, they'd seen that movie," Diesel agreed. "What if we picked something they _didn't _know? Or even came up with something ourselves?"

"It would take too long to come up with a new idea," said Tessorori.

"And how do we know what they've seen?" Jackson added.

"Ve don't have to," Ter Borcht turned to Kidd. "You have small monster spawn, do you not?"

"Kids? Yes, I have kids," Kidd nodded.

"Go to your house and pick some things zey like. It doesn't matter vat," Ter Borcht said. "Ve simply must vipe the avian's memories."

"I like the way you think," said Werner.

"I'll bring stuff tomorrow," Kidd nodded.

"Ve must also experiment vith the hierarchy," Ter Borcht continued. "Vhat vould Maximum Ride do vithout her Flock, and wice wersa."

"Yeah, we can split them up," Diesel said. "The leader and the second in command should both be alone – the followers could be split into two groups, for efficiency."

"What about Epsilon?" Tessorori blurted. He scrambled to cover up his concern for the boy. "And the dog."

"We can make them jump around," said Werner. "You know, freak the avians out a little."

"Mwuah! Perfecto!" Jackson grinned. "We will not die! We will live!"

She pounced on the neural transformer and began tapping in preliminary equations.


	2. Landing

**Hola senoritas/senors! This is the first chapter with actual Flock members in it. I encourage you to at least try each section even if you look where it takes place and automatically think **_**omg she is such a nerd this is stupid.**_

**/is a nerd **

**=3**

**Enjoy! (and review)**

**xxxxxx**

**MAX  
>Naruto<br>Somewhere in Wind country**

"…and who's that girl?" was the first thing I heard when I woke up. Someone yelled it. They sounded angry. Very angry. I knew anger like that. Not pretty.

Eeergh. Pain. Ow.

My head pounded. What happened? Two seconds ago I'd been in Minas Tirith. What had been up with that? Boromir… alive… talking all modern-ish… Billy Mays and Michael Jackson, also very alive. I was getting the impression that I'd gone quite insane.

"Is she dead? You bastards!" continued the person. I cracked my eyes open.

"Eeergh. Pain. Ow," I moaned. Total, I don't think we're in Gondor anymore. Ah! Total! And then… Fang! Iggy! Nudge! Gazzy! Angel! I opened my eyes completely and looked around wildly. I couldn't see them. "Oh sh – Fang! Ig! Nudge! Gasser! Ange! Total!"

No reply. A sinking feeling clawed at my stomach. _Crap. _I sat bolt upright, which flip-flopped my stomach and sent all my blood rushing to my feet, and got a good handle on my surroundings. Big cave. Dark. Giant wonky statue.

"Arry? Gimli? Legolas? Gadalf? _Boromir_? Anyone?"

Two blonde dudes. One had funky whisker-like marks on his cheeks and the other was sitting on some other guy. Then there was a freaky guy in a cloak, and some dude with spiky silver hair. Next there was a chick with her hair dyed pink and an old lady.

Woooaaah. I did _not _recognize these people. What the heck was going on?

"What the heck is going on?" I voiced my thoughts appropriately. "Somebody better answer me or I'm gonna start busting heads!"

…unfortunately, death threats take some effort to sound actually death threaty, and said effort totally exhausted me. I felt weak and sick and tired, and I was seriously not liking it. I gritted my teeth and tried to ignore the fact that my vision was going all blurry and I was getting mega lightheaded.

"Oh, her?" sneered blonde-guy-sitting-on-other-guy. "She was here when we got here. Probably another jinchuuriki someone else drained and forgot to dump out."

"That's very far from a logical explanation, Deidara," said freaky cloak guy. Deidara (AKA blonde-guy-sitting-on-other-guy) scoffed.

"Gingerwhat?" I said. "Oh, and yes, thank you, I appreciate you talking about me like I'm not here. Seriously. I'm gonna crack your skulls against the wall."

_Last _time I landed myself in an unfamiliar (also fictional) world, I was open to being a little more considerate and not jumping immediately to the whole threats thing, but the Flock wasn't here, I was totally stressed out, and I felt ready to barf my guts up all over the floor, and also I had no clue what was going on at all, or where I was. I didn't recognize anyone here. None of the characters. Were they characters? Or was this something else?

_Yo, Voice. Feel free to jump in any second with an explanation, _I said.

_You are about to pass out, _said the Voice helpfully. Boy, I did feel like passing out. But wait! I didn't want to! I'm Maximum Ride! I can ignore that fact that I felt sicker than I'd ever felt in my life!

…too late.

**FANG  
>Buffy the Vampire Slayer<br>Sunnydale, California**

When Fang woke up, he was caught between two branches in a tree and he felt very, very sick. In fact, the moment he regained consciousness he turned onto his side and vomited. The upchuck splashed grotesquely against the ground like a very ugly, smelly raindrop.

_Oh, god, don't think that, you'll just want to barf more._

He jumped out of the tree and landed unsteadily on his feet. His head was pounding and he wanted to puke more. To keep his mind off of that, he thought: _why are there so many words for barf? There's barf, upchuck, puke, vomit, yak, ralph… oh, look at me. I sound like Nudge. _

Speaking of Nudge, where was she? He cast a wary glance around him and saw that not only was Nudge's steady stream of speech missing, but as were Max's orders, Iggy's blind jokes, Gazzy's flatulence…

The Flock wasn't there. He was completely alone. His breath caught and panicked thoughts started flying through his brain at a hundred miles per hour. Where were they? Were they hurt? Where was Max? Was she OK? Where were all the rest of those people, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, the hobbits? How had he been moved here from Gondor?

_Get a grip, _he told himself. _Relax. Evaluate the situation._

It was dark. Night. The moon was high up in the sky, so probably around midnight. He squinted and let his night vision sharpen. He was in a… graveyard. How creepy. The tint of civilization was in the air and silently Fang thanked whoever was landing him these places. _Modern _civilization – not that weird medieval crap that was really starting to get on his nerves – that was a huge improvement. But being alone? Not so much.

There was a rustle in the bushes and Fang spun on his heel, fists raised. A man stepped out. He was dressed in a dirty suit and his hair was all mussed up. The thing that really caught Fang's attention, though, was the fact that his face was horribly disfigured and his eyes were yellow and catlike. New Itex spawn?

"You smell nice," said the man. "And oddly birdy. What is that?"

Then he lunged. Fang ducked out of the way, snapping his wings out and planting a foot in the man's – could he really call him a man? – ribs. The man went stumbling, but Fang had no time to be satisfied. He felt a powerful kick connect right between his wings and he was jolted forward like a ragdoll. He hit the ground on his knees and twisted his neck to see a girl behind him. She looked around nineteen with a tank top that exposed her belly button and her face similarly looked like it had been mauled by a bear.

"Wings!" she said. "Hey, Jack, this guy's got wings! What kind of demon has wings?"

Fang assumed that was an insult and leaped to his feet, punching the girl in the face as she chatted to 'Jack'.

"Ow!" she cried. "You hit me!"

And he kept on going, punching every inch of skin he could reach. Not much, as it turned out. The girl was a good fighter, and definitely stronger than a normal human. Stronger than him? Maybe, maybe not, but he was definitely better at combat.

Still, it was two on one.

Oh, wait, scratch that. _Three _on one. Another man joined in, too, this one wearing jeans and a floral print shirt. What kind of Itex minions _were_ these guys? They sure had strange fashion sense.

_Oh, great, _Fang thought as a fourth joined in. Another girl. But… something was off about her. Her face wasn't all messed up and her eyes were a very humanlike shade of hazel. Also, she did not focus solely on killing him. The other three were her targets. And she made quick work of them, too, with only a little bit of help from Fang.

She held a stick – stake? – in her hands and used it to impale the various things in the chest. Once impaled, they then proceeded to explode into dust. Fang had to fight to keep his jaw from dropping. Even Itex creations didn't do that.

What was going on? He suddenly wished he had a Voice, like Max, to hound for answers.

It took only around five minutes to kill all three of the things. Once they were done, the girl turned to Fang and fixed him with a glare that clearly said, _I mean business, and I won't hesitate to kill you if you piss me off._

"Who are you?" she demanded. "Or, more importantly, _what _are you?"

**IGGY AND ANGEL  
>Avatar: the Last Airbender<br>Somewhere in the Earth Kingdom**

Iggy had it pretty bad. He was constantly hunted and half-starved, he'd been robbed of any chance of a normal life, and he'd had almost everything taken away from him at some point in his life, including, but not limited to, his freedom, his childhood, and his sight.

But he'd never been robbed of his eyes. The Flock were his eyes. But the Flock was nowhere to be seen – metaphorically, of course.

"Max?" he called. "Fang? Nudge? Gaz? Ange?"

He was met with silence.

_Don't panic, _warned half of his instincts, while the other half screamed, _yes! Panic! You can panic! Now is a good time to panic!_

But those were bad thoughts. He needed good thoughts – not in a happy-go-lucky way, but loud, stand-offish thoughts: something that a certain six – er, seven – year-old mind-reader would be able to pick out in a crowd.

Not that he was in a crowd. If he were in a crowd, he could ask for directions. Nope, judging from the leafy, grassy, ground with twigs that poked into his palms, he was in either a small field or a forest.

Anyways, back to the thoughts. He had to get creative. Something that Ange would be able to recognize as _obviously _him. A personal experience.

_So here's the plan, _he remembered. _Er… something about zebras, and then everyone starts eating beef jerky and Gazzy farts into some bubbles. Oh yeah, and Fang should join a band and become a pro harmonica… ist… Look, Angel, just, can you hear me? This is a pain in the tush._

He waited and received no reply. A horrible thought occurred to him then. What if Angel wasn't there? What if he really _was _alone – and not just in the sense that nobody seemed to be in the immediate area? What if the Flock had ditched him? Or what if he'd ditched the Flock?

_Angel! _He thought, louder, more panicked. _Yo! Earth to Angel!_

_ Hi, _Angel's intrusive message was loud and clear. That's the thing about placing thoughts in people's heads like that. Normally you don't think in sentences, right? Not unless you try. It's just all mushed together. Apparently mind-readers can pull a string of logic out of that mush. It's the same when they transmit thoughts. Or at least for Angel. Not like he'd met many mind readers in his fairly short life.

_Thank god, _Iggy thought. _Is anyone else with you?_

A pause. _No… there's no one else._

_ What about in the surrounding area._

Another pause. _There are a couple of people… not Flock, though. Nobody we know. Iggy, I think it's just us. I can't feel anyone else. There's no one in my range._

Angel was starting to panic, something strange nowadays. She seemed to be turning into a kind of mini-Max. An infinitely more creepy mini-Max.

_Okay, okay, calm down, _he thought nervously. He was freaked out, too, but he'd been left in charge before. And Angel was pretty low-maintenance. Once they figured this out, it would be all cool. Right? _Look, I'll sit tight. Come find me._

_ Right, _she replied.

**NUDGE AND THE GASMAN  
>Harry Potter<br>The corner of a large, unknown field**

"Nudge?"

The voice was hazy. She tried to recognize it, but came up completely blank.

"Nudge?"

Wait… there was something familiar. Like a little bell ringing somewhere in the very back of her head. She tried to think, but her head hurt too much. In fact, _everything _hurt too much. She fought back the urge to resort to projectile vomiting.

"_Nudge!_ Snap out of it!"

Her eyes opened slowly. For a moment her vision was fuzzy, blurry. After a few seconds it cleared enough for her to get a grasp of the situation. She was sprawled on the leafy ground of a clearing in the middle of a forest. The ground was damp, and the wetness was seeping in through her clothes, causing her to shiver.

"Gazzy?" she croaked.

"Yeah, are you okay?" he looked worried.

The pain was slowly decreasing as the seconds passed and Nudge propped herself up on her elbows, wincing. "Yeah."

"What happened?" Gazzy asked, eyes wide.

"How should I know, I was out cold," Nudge pointed out, stretching her stiff back and snapping her spine back into place. "Any idea where we are? What happened? Where's everyone else? This is so messed up."

"I just asked you," Gazzy pointed out.

"Right, of course," Nudge heaved herself to her feet and stood on shaky legs, breathing in the clean air. "I can smell car exhaust. It's really faint, though."

"Me too," looking down at him, Nudge noticed for the first time how scared Gazzy looked. His eyes were widened to the size of saucers and they were darting around desperately. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. Nudge was scared, too, but she knew she couldn't show it. If she showed she was scared, Gazzy would become even more so. _This must be how Max feels, _she thought. _Max. We have to find Max._

She unfurled her wings. "Let's go find a – a town, or something. We can figure out where we are. What to do. Maybe get some food. I don't know about you, but I'm _starving_."

"Yeah," Gazzy nodded. He let go of her hand and hunched over, about to unfurl his wings, too, when they were interrupted by a loud noise. It sounded like a mix between a gunshot and a vacuum. Nudge screamed and yanked the Gasman backwards, squeezing her eyes shut. They fell back onto the ground with an _oof_. It didn't hurt much – their fall was cushioned by a thin layer of snow.

"That treacherous old bleeder!" someone was griping. "Hermione, you're a genius, a total genius, I can't believe we got out of that! Oh, bloody hell – who are _they_?"

When Nudge opened her eyes again, she saw three people staring at them, eyes huge. Two were boys – one had black hair and green eyes, and the other one was a ginger. The third was a slightly bushy-haired girl.

"Wings," the girl breathed. Her eyes went slightly unfocused, as if she was thinking something through. "Oh, my gosh. What has wings?"


	3. Introductions

**I just realized that I forgot to put when these things take place! I hope there haven't been any spoilers yet.**

**Buffy: season five-ish, after we find out about Dawn but before all that Glory drama (is there even an in-between point? Oh, well… just pretend)  
>Harry Potter: During the seventh book, starting right after they leave Xenophilus Lovegood's place.<br>Naruto: Right after the rescue Gaara arc in Shippuden.  
>Avatar: After they leave the desert but before they reach Ba Sing Se.<strong>

**Anywho… review plz ;) And enjoy! **

**xxxxxx**

**MAX  
>Naruto<br>Sunagakure**

When I woke up who knows how much later, I was warm and comfortable, sleeping in what looked like a hospital bed. That was the last straw for my stomach.

I sat up, doubled over, jumped out of the bed, dashed towards the window, and barfed up a lung. When I was done, I sat down on the bed again shakily, drinking in the scent of chemicals and alcohol and cleaner and feeling like I wanted to puke again. Bird kids and hospitals don't mix.

Okay, Max, okay. Relax. Analyze the situation. I was definitely in some sort of hospital room, but it didn't look like any hospital room I'd ever seen before. I was still in my clothes, so hopefully no one had seen my wings yet. Speaking of clothes, I was no longer in that icky dress I'd been forced to wear to Aragorn's coronation, but the jeans and T-shirt I first came to Lord of the Rings in. My boots were neatly laid next to the bed and my sweatshirt and windbreaker were draped over a chair. They all carried grime and wear, but not as much as they should have by now. More like their condition, again, pre-LOTR. That was weird.

_Voice. I need some intel. Stat._

_ …this is quite unfortunate. I thought you would be home by now, _said the Voice. _It seems you may have to repeat a similar process as with the Lord of the Rings… albeit alone._

_ Alone! Where's the Flock, Voice? _I demanded.

_I cannot be sure. Possibly not even in this reality._

_ Gee, you're a big help – _

"Ah! You're awake!"

I jumped. I'd been so absorbed in my little conversation with the Voice in my head that I hadn't noticed a woman open the door and step in. I immediately took a defensive position and did the only thing that comes naturally to people like me.

"Who are you?" I said, exerting as much threatening energy as was exertable. Is that even a word? It must have worked, because the woman blinked and took a nervous step back.

"I – I'm Suki. I'm a nurse," she said, biting her lip. "You've been unconscious for a few hours now. I was just coming to check on you."

"A few hours?" I felt dizzy again, but I pinched myself and tried to regain full control. "Crap. Where am I?"

"Sunagakure," said Suki, looking relieved that I was no longer acting like I wanted to kill her. "Now that you are awake, the Kazekage would like to speak with you… I mean, if that's okay…"

"What's the Kazekage?" I demanded.

"He is the leader of the village," Suki explained, like I was some sort of idiot for not knowing that.

"Oh-kay…" I said carefully. "I'll roll with this. Take me to your leader, and all that good stuff."

Suki nodded and stepped out into the hall, beckoning for me to follow her. She lead me through twists and turns, past more rooms, some that stunk of antiseptic even more, until finally we stopped at a door.

"Gaara-sama?" she knocked on the door lightly. Someone said something inside and she swung it open, gesturing that I should go inside. I walked in and she immediately shut the door behind me. I didn't like that very much.

**FANG  
>Buffy the Vampire Slayer<br>Sunnydale, California**

"It's polite to introduce yourself first," Fang said dryly.

The girl stared at him, and then rolled her eyes. "I'm the Slayer, duh. Can't you tell, with all your demon senses and whatever?"

"I don't know what a Slayer is, and I'm not a demon," said Fang.

"Then what are _those_?" she indicated his wings, which were folded up at his back but not tucked beneath his shirt. He glanced back at them, frowning, and cursed that little instinct in him that made him snap them out at a hint of danger.

"The product of several years of genetic research and the tampering of innocent's DNA," Fang shrugged. Might as well get that out of the way.

"Whaa?" the 'Slayer' stared at him some more, looking completely mind-boggled.

"What were those things?" Fang asked. That question seemed to bring her back into her comfort zone.

"Vampires," she said. "You know, bloodsuckers? Leeches? Immortal fiends of darkness?"

"That's stupid," said Fang. "Vampires don't exist."

"Neither do humans with wings," the girl countered.

"Touché."

"So… if you're really a human… with… wings…" the girl looked him over suspiciously. "What are you doing in Sunnydale? And who are you?"

"I'm not sure," said Fang. "I'm just here. There was no free will."

"Still not getting the name."

"…Nick."

"Oh. Okay. Hi, Nick, I'm Buffy," said Buffy. "The… yeah. Vampire Slayer. And now that I say that out loud I realize how obscenely corny it sounds."

Fang couldn't help but kind of like this girl. She reminded him a little bit of Max.

"So… Sunnydale?" he said. "Where's that?"

"California, USA, North America, Earth," Buffy shrugged. "You really don't know how you got here?"

"Negatori."

"Where are you from?"

"All over."

"Okay, where were you before you mysteriously landed yourself here?"

"If I told you you'd think I was crazy."

"Try me," she said. "I may not look it, but I've dealt with the crazies a whole lot in my life."

He believed her. She'd killed those freaky things with a stick, and she didn't look particularly weirded out by his wings. Still, gallivanting around in a movie was kind of pushing it.

"Well," he said. "I was in Utah with my family. Then we got kidnapped. Then we were somehow moved into that movie the Lord of the Rings. We finished it. Now we're here. Any questions?"

"Oooh. That is crazy."

"I told you."

"Er…"she said. "Look, I'm not going to shoot you down right away because my best friend is a witch, my other best friend is dating an ex-demon, I've been able to read minds before, and beer once made me turn into a cave lady, so I shouldn't really judge. But I think for the sake of all things good and pure I should get you to Giles."

"Giles?"

"Our resident British-man-with-all-the-answers."

"Ah."

They stood there awkwardly for a second. Fang became fascinated in the fog that was expelled every time he breathed. It wasn't very cold, though, so he wondered what was up with that.

"My house is this way," Buffy pointed her thumb over her shoulder. "Maybe we'll run into Xander and Anya on the way back. I think they were out patrolling tonight."

Fang didn't bother to ask who Xander and Anya were. She would probably tell him that they were unicorns or something. He was trying to keep his mind open, really, but some of this stuff was pushing the realms of possibility.

It wasn't a long walk to Buffy's house. Apparently she enjoyed living close to graveyards.

On the way over, though, Fang got a chance to fully analyze this girl. Well, woman, really. Physically, she looked like she was in her early twenties, but there was something about her eyes that made him think she was way older. It was the same look that the rest of the Flock had, the look that someone's had way too much stuff going on at way too early an age.

She was very short, with bouncing blonde curls and light eyes. She strutted along in a way that clearly said she wouldn't take any guff from anyone. Her pants were made of leather and she was wearing a red jacket. She was skinny and didn't look strong at all, but from watching her fight he knew that assumption was dead wrong.

Looking around, Fang decided that it wasn't from when he was from. Some houses had lights on and the TVs and phones and computers inside seemed bulky and lo-tech. Still, it couldn't have been more than a couple years behind modern. It was much better than monarchies and a serious lack of indoor plumbing, that's for sure.

"Well, this is it," said Buffy once they'd stopped in front of a very average looking house. "Come on in."

She pushed the door open.

**IGGY AND ANGEL  
>Avatar: the Last Airbender<br>Somewhere in the Earth Kingdom**

Five minutes later, Angel touched down a few feet in front of where Iggy lounged lazily in the crackling leaves.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," she sat down immediately and hugged her knees up to her stomach. "I don't feel so good."

"Me, neither," he'd noticed that his stomach felt like it was being knifed repeatedly and his head felt like someone had shot it. He'd been trying to think happy thoughts, though. If he was sick, that would be bad.

"I kind of puked," Angel admitted. He could practically hear a sly smile creeping across her face. It was an atmosphere thing. "Airsickness, I guess."

He barked out a laugh. "That's rich."

The effort made his stomach hurt even more. He swore, twisted onto his hands and knees, crawled into the bushes, and barfed into some ferns.

"Now we're even," Angel said. He sneered.

"You said there were other people in the area?" he confirmed.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I'm not really close enough to get a very firm grasp on their thoughts, but they're… different. A different way of seeing things. There's something here that isn't where we come from, something that everyone takes for granted, and it changes their worldview a little. It's hard to explain. And I don't know _what_…"

"Why don't we go ask?" Iggy suggested idly. Angel started to say something, but he cut her off. "Look, we're stuck here in the middle of a forest with no idea what's happening. No Flock, no Fellowship, no Gondor, no nothing – it's all _gone_. I'm thinking we should take some time to converse with the locals. Figure out what's going on. Get a grasp on the situation. Ya dig?"

"Yeah… yeah, I guess you're right," she said nervously. Iggy stood up and stretched. The vomiting had made him feel surprisingly better.

"So what direction are these hicks? Or tree huggers, I guess. Or hippies. Or whatever other group of people who would spend their time walking around in forests of their own free will," Iggy asked. Angel paused for a moment.

"Follow me," she instructed. He felt the breath of air as she took off, and he listened for the whistle of the wind through her feathers, following it. It was an action that didn't require any second thought – it was natural for him by now.

After a little while, she slowed. The whistle got fainter. Then the sound of flapping became less constant and Iggy knew she was coasting down to the ground. He followed.

"Let's walk a bit," she said once they'd landed. "So we don't, you know, freak them out."

"Good call."

"Holy beefcakes!" came a surprised yelp.

"Bad call," Iggy corrected. "You put us down too close."

**NUDGE AND THE GASMAN  
>Harry Potter<br>The corner of a large, unknown field**

Nudge jumped to her feet, dragging Gasser with her, and dropped into a fighting stance. She was shaking slightly with a mixture of cold and fear. Who were these people, and how had they just… just _appeared _like that?

"Who the bloody hell are you?" retorted the ginger.

"Ron!" the girl elbowed him.

"Who are _you_?" Nudge finally found her voice.

"Nobody," said the black-haired boy quickly. _Too _quickly.

There was a thick, agitated silence, both parties looking ready to pounce at each other. Finally, the ginger – Ron? – spoke.

"Let's just Obliviate them!"

"I'm with Ron," said the black haired boy.

"Don't you think that's a bit harsh? They're just kids," said the girl.

"_Just kids_?" Gazzy muttered. Nudge patted him on the head.

"What if they're spies for You-Know-Who?" Ron said.

"I don't know who," said Nudge. "Who?"

"_What do you mean you don't know who?_" Ron spluttered. "Merlin…"

"We're completely in the open!" the girl blurted suddenly. "Stupid, stupid…"

She pulled out a thin stick, about a foot long, and started dancing along an invisible perimeter muttering things like "_Protego Totalum" _and _"Salvio Hexia"._

"What are you doing?" Nudge asked.

"Protective enchantments," the girl replied absently.

"_Enchantments?_" Gazzy gaped, but Nudge elbowed him in a _shut up _kind of way.

"Oh, of course," she nodded like putting up enchantments was totally in the norm.

"You lot are Americans?" the black haired boy asked delicately. "What are you doing in Britain?"

"Vacation," Nudge invented. He was right, she'd been too busy freaking out to notice – these three had British accents.

"_Cave Inimicum… _I hope you don't think I'm rude by asking this, but what are you?" the girl said abashedly. She seemed to have finished with the enchantments, as she was now kneading a small beaded bag nervously in her hands.

_What _were they? Nudge only had a second of thought without seeming suspicious. She had to come up with a legit answer… _now_. But she couldn't tell the truth, could she? Max has warned them not to when they were in the Lord of the Rings. But now they weren't. And Max wasn't here. These people had just appeared out of thin air and they were doing _enchantments_… it seemed logical to think that she could just come up with something completely ridiculous and they should buy it. Somehow, for some reason, her mind flew to that show that she sometimes had watched back when they'd had a house, the Rugrats. That obnoxious little bully girl.

WWMD? What would Max do?

"We're – Angelicas," she was surprised that she even said that. She hadn't planned to say that. It just came out.

"Angelicas? I think I may have read about those once… so are you magical? Do you have wands?" the girl asked eagerly. Nudge was dumbfounded. _She actually bought it!_

"No wands," Gazzy answered.

"Well, this is all fantastic and everything, but why don't you two run along home to your mummies? We're busy here," Ron snapped.

"Mummies? You mean, like, moms? As in, parents?" Nudge confirmed, her motormouth taking over. It was ridiculous, that thing had a mind of its own. "Oh, we haven't got any of those. They're – uh – they're dead."

"Yeah," Gazzy sniffled pitifully to add to their act.

"Oh, that's horrible!" the girl's hand flew to her mouth. "Have you got a place to stay tonight?"

"Hermione, no - "

"Oh, be quiet, Harry. We're _miles _from all civilization - "

"So how did they get here? I tell you, they're spies for You-Know-Who!"

"Don't be ridiculous, Ron. They're only kids."

"_Hermione - "_

"Oh, we'll be okay," Nudge said. "We're _totally _used to roughing it. We've been doing it for a while. No big deal, seriously."

But that only seemed to encourage the girl – Hermione? – even more. She pulled Ron and the other boy (Harry?) to the side and whispered something to them. Ron moaned, but Harry frowned, nodded and sighed.

"_One night_," he said firmly. "Just one."

"Excellent!" Hermione clapped her hands excitedly. "Now, who wants to help me with the tent?"


	4. First Impressions

**Guten tag! I didn't think I was going to be able to get this chapter up today, but after school and a five hour party it was still only three, so I managed. And this one's even a bit longer than the last three! Haha. Funny how a 10:30 release time messes with your schedule ^^; Yay for school almost over!**

**btw review plz kthnxbi**

**XXXXXXX**

**MAX  
>Naruto<br>Sunagakure**

So this Kazekage guy was also in a hospital bed, sitting up with his hands folded neatly in his lap. He had teal eyes surrounded by either the product of major lack of sleep or tons of guyliner and a brick red mop of hair. He looked in his mid-teens, maybe sixteen or seventeen. He looked pale, sick, and exhausted. He also looked vaguely familiar – oh yeah! He was the guy getting sat on, in that cave. On his forehead, above his left eye, was a weird scribble. I squinted at it and the lines morphed so they read _love_.

Whaaaaa?

And then I got it. I hadn't been speaking English. The girl, Suki, hadn't been speaking it either. I hadn't noticed. It was like with the Elvish. I could speak it, and understand it, but I don't think I'd ever heard it before. Could I read like that, too? Write, even?

Then I connected some more dots. This guy was Asian, and Suki was too. That wouldn't be weird except so was everyone else we'd passed in the hallways. Now I'm not racist or anything, but I'd don't think I'd ever been in a place with such a high concentration of Asian people.

"Greetings…?" he said.

_Greetings? _"Max," I said tentatively.

"Greetings, Max. I am Gaara, the Kazekage," he said.

"Hello Gaara the Kazekage. Mighty fine weather we're having today, don'tcha think?" I said with as little sarcasm as possible. Whoops.

"I know you are uncomfortable, so I will cut right to the chase," he said. "You are a jinchuuriki."

"Gesundheit."

"A demon container."

"EEEEHR," I said, making a sound like a buzzer announcing that someone is incorrect about something. "Wrong."

"You were kidnapped by the Akatsuki," Gaara reasoned calmly. "And you have wings that weren't created by a jutsu. I had one of my sensors check that."

"Okay, a) what's an Akatsuki, b) what's a jutsu, and c) who gave you permission to look at my personal extra body parts?"

"You were unconscious."

"So? If _you _were unconscious would you like it if I poked around your less-than-clothed body? Yeah, didn't think so."

He pursed his lips but didn't reply. I was vaguely aware of Suki slipping away behind me.

"Ah, I see. Strong but silent guy. I know the type," I said, thinking of Fang. It felt like a wrecking ball had slammed into me. _Fang. _And the rest of the Flock, for that matter. Where were they? "Well, I'll give you a prompt back to the 'what's an Akatsuki' and 'what's a jutsu' questions."

"You really don't know?" he asked, after a long pause. And then, "Where are you from?"

"All over," I said.

"But everyone knows what jutsu are, even civilians," Gaara said.

"I didn't say I was from all over _here_," I amended. "Whatever, let's just move on, okay? What are jutsu."

"Jutsu are what are created when a ninja uses his or her chakra to form an attack or defense," he explained.

"Woah, woah, woah," I said. "Back up. _Ninjas?_"

"Yes."

"But… that's like something out of a bad creative writing assignment. Or a joke."

"Ninja are anything but a joke," the kazekage said. "We are warriors, soldiers of war and protectors of peace."

"I'm pretty sure that's an oxymoron," I said.

He blinked at me. "I see. You use sarcasm and wit to escape uncomfortable situations."

"I do _not_," I said. "By the way, what does the kazekage do?"

"The kazekage is the leader of the village."

"Wait… _you're _the leader?" my eyebrows shot up. "That is actually wicked awesome."

"Most don't approve," he commented.

"Yeah, well, you're what, sixteen? Anyways, it's my personal opinion that the adults cannot be trusted, so I'm down with this whole kid-in-charge-thing."

Operation: Change the Subject? Success.

"Back to the jinchuuriki…" he said. Dang, spoke too soon. "You don't have to hide it from me. I know what it's like. To not fit in, to not belong, to be completely alienated to the point of harassment…"

"Really? 'Cos I don't. Because I'm not a jinchuuwhatsit," I retorted. "In fact, I didn't realize demons even _existed_."

"Then where did those come from?" he indicated… well, just my general direction, but it was pretty clear that he meant my wings.

"Oh, you mean my feathery extensions? That aren't created by a jutsu or whatever?" I decided I didn't want to go through the whole 'keep-the-wings-a-secret-and-not-be-able-to-use-them-properly-for-months' thing this time. I got the feeling Itex would find me anyways. They were probably behind all this in the first place, what was the difference? "They were actually created by more natural means – and by natural I mean not supernatural, they're not actually natural at all."

His expression said _that makes no sense_.

"Let's just say mad scientists did it and leave it at that," I said. "It gets a bit complicated once you go much deeper."

"Mad scientists?" he looked like he didn't believe me at all.

"Hey, it's not like the ninja thing isn't far-fetched at all," I said.

He looked at me for a while, brain apparently whirring. "Unfortunately, since you don't seem to be willing to respond to me, I am going to have to confine you until further notice."

"_Confine _me?" that got my attention. "What, like jail?"

His expression said _yes_.

**FANG  
>Buffy the Vampire Slayer<br>Buffy's House**

"Dawn?" she shouted. "Anyone home?"

From what looked like the kitchen, a ginger looking around Buffy's age stepped out. She took in Fang with a look of surprise. Then she smiled.

"Hi!" she said. Then she turned to Buffy. "Hi. Who's this?"

"Fang, meet Willow. She's a witch. Will, this is Fang. Apparently he's a genetically engineered mutant," Buffy said.

"Ah," Willow looked only mildly surprised. "Nice to meet you!"

"Where's Tara? Dawn?" Buffy asked.

"Tara's back in the dining room researching a fun new demon. Dawn's asleep – or at least, she's pretending to be," Willow informed them. "And before you ask, I made triple sure she did her homework."

Fang's stomach growled in protest of the meals he'd recently expelled. He looked down at it and frowned.

"Oh! Are you hungry?" Willow scurried back into the kitchen. Buffy indicated that they should follow her. The kitchen was just as average as the rest of the house, just as normal, if you didn't count the stake that Buffy tossed onto the counter or the battle axe that Fang could see peeking out of the cupboard. "We _just _went shopping. Tara! Come on, we've got a guest!"

Another woman slipped through a side door into the kitchen. She smiled at him nervously, her eyes darting around. It looked like she expected him to bite her or something.

"This is Tara, she's also a witch," Willow said. "Granola bar?"

Fang nodded and Willow tossed him one. Slowly he unwrapped it, broke off a piece, and popped it in his mouth. He was ravenous, but he didn't want to look like a slob.

"So what's the story?" Willow asked.

"Found him in the graveyard while I was patrolling. He handled some vamps pretty well," Buffy explained. "Anyways, he's got these giant black wings – like an angel of death or something. I thought I'd introduce him to Giles."

"But I thought you said he was genetically engineered?" Willow frowned.

"Genetically engineered?" Tara repeated, looking confused. Wordlessly, Fang unfurled his right wing, just a bit, so it poked about a foot out of his shirt. They didn't gasp, freak out, or look scared. Maybe a little fascinated, or wary, but it didn't seem to strike them as a big deal.

"Ooh, Xander's gonna love this," Willow giggled.

"I'd really prefer if you didn't advertise this," Fang said slowly. "I was stupid to let this slip in the first place."

"We're not about to keep any secrets from the rest of the gang," Buffy said shortly. "Whatever you do, Giles, Xander, Dawn, and Anya will learn about you. But I'm a nice person, I won't tell Spike."

Fang shot her a questioning look, the kind said, _who the heck is Spike_? What kind of name was that, anyways?

"Spike is our resident vampire frienemy," Tara told him.

"He used to be evil, but now he has a chip in his head so he can't hurt humans," Willow continued. "You probably wouldn't like him, he's not a very nice person. Well, actually, he would probably _hate _you – is anyone else getting an Angel vibe off this guy?"

As Buffy snorted and nodded and Tara shrugged, Fang's mind clicked.

"Angel?" he asked carefully. "Who's she?"

"He," Buffy corrected. "My ex. Very tall dark and silent."

"Ah."

"Anyways, Angel and Spike have a sort of hate-hate relationship," Willow said. "Like, if you put them in a room together there wouldn't be anything left but small chunks of flesh after five minutes."

"Wow, that was very graphic. I'm shocked," Buffy feigned deep surprise and Willow rolled her eyes and laughed.

There was a thud and the sound of an opening door above them. Fang was immediately even more on-edge then he had been before. His fists clenched around the granola bar and he slid his left foot back in a discreet fighting stance.

**IGGY AND ANGEL  
>Avatar: the Last Airbender<br>Somewhere in the Earth Kingdom**

"Well – well – I didn't –"

"Yeah, yeah, no big deal," Iggy grit his teeth.

Someone was walking out from behind some trees. From the yell and the heavy sort of crashing he was probably male.

"Who're _you_?" he snapped. He didn't seem _overly _freaked – they seemed to have furled up their wings fast enough to avoid being spotted.

"Sokka!" another voice, female this time, and the sound of someone getting whacked. "Don't be so rude!"

Crunching of leaves and whipping of hair. She was turning towards them? "Ignore my brother. He's an idiot."

"My brother's an idiot, too," Angel said innocently.

"I hope you don't mean me, because if you do, I'm not cooking for you for a month - "

"No! Gazzy! I mean Gazzy! And – and Fang, too. Yeah."

"That's what I thought."

"Hey, man, what's up with your hair?" the boy – Sokka? – lumbered forward and tugged on a lock of Iggy's hair. The blind bird kid slapped his hand away.

"What's up with _your _hair?" he retorted.

"It's a warrior's wolf tail!" Sokka said defensively, like he'd been accused of having a strange hairstyle before.

"It's a really beautiful color," the girl breathed. "Both of you – it's like gold! And yours is almost… almost _red_…"

"What color's your hair?" Iggy shot his hand out and grabbed a fistful of the boy's hair (what was that? It was like a weird mix of a Mohawk and a ponytail…). He felt the color. "Ah, brown."

"Yeah, they're both brunette. Is everyone brunette?" Angel queried.

"No – lots of people have black hair, too. And old people have white and gray hair, of course," the girl explained. "Where are you from? You really don't look like anyone I've ever seen before. I don't mean to be rude, but… your eyes are sort of round, like Sokka's and mine… but your skin is so pale… so you're not Water Tribe…"

"What tribe?" Iggy scoffed. "We are tribe-less, thank you very much. Look, we'd just like to know where we are."

"Well, the Earth Kingdom," the girl replied. "_We're _on our way to Ba Sing Se. How about you?"

"Yeah, so are we!" Angel chirped. Iggy would have shot her a sharp look if he could. He settled for screaming a '_what the h e double pitchfork is _Ba Sing Se_?' _as loud as he could in thoughts.

_Big city. Full of refugees, I guess… these guys, them and their friends are looking for another friend… Appa? Yeah, Appa, _Angel explained. _Look, I have to stop thinking stuff at you – my head kind of hurts._

"Well, that's great!" he could hear the broad grin in her voice. "Maybe we could travel together!"

"Katara…" Sokka warned.

"What?" Katara – the girl – snorted. "Why don't we introduce you to the rest of the group? By the way, I'm Katara, and this is my brother Sokka."

"I'm Jeff, this is Angie," Iggy introduced them, being sure to use nice, fake names. He heard Angel pout next to him. No doubt she wanted to pick her own name, something Nudge-inspired, like… Angelina Glitterpants Barbieface McWonderpets Jolie or whatever.

"Those are weird _names_, too," Sokka commented. "Where are you _from_?"

"All over," Iggy said.

"Quit being so rude," Katara told her brother. "Here, the others are this way."

**NUDGE AND THE GASMAN  
>Harry Potter<br>Somewhere in Scotland**

Through some creative conversation-planting and some eavesdropping, Nudge and Gazzy managed to get the gist of the situation. The universe they were in was pretty much exactly like their home world except for one huge difference: magic. There were people here, witches and wizards, who could use wands to do pretty much whatever they wanted. There were magical creatures, too, like the ones Nudge and Gazzy were masquerading as ("Ah, here they are!" Hermione had cried, to Nudge's glee and disbelief, that first night while looking through a dusty old tome. "Angelicas… they're not very humanoid. I suppose you've evolved since this ancient thing was written…"), and whole cultures revolving around this culture hidden from prying 'muggle' (non-magic) eyes.

There was the school, Hogwarts, that Harry, Ron, and Hermione had previously attended. They'd dropped out, though. There was Quidditch – a sport played while flying around up in the air on _broomsticks_ with enchanted balls. There was a wizard's bank, Gringotts, strange methods of travel (floo powder, apparation (they had learned about this one the hard way. Side-along apparation was not a pleasant experience), flying, etc…), almost completely magical towns, a wizard's prison, Azkaban, and plenty other things that Nudge found hard to keep straight in her head.

But everything wasn't good and dandy. There was a villain in this story, too – You-Know-Who and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named were his popular aliases, but his real name was _Voldemort_. He was apparently a pretty evil guy. Seventeen years ago he had been somehow defeated by a baby Harry Potter, the black-haired boy, but he had recently come back to life and now spent his free time torturing innocents and planning the apocalypse.

The next part had been trickier to find out, and it had taken a few days for Nudge and Gazzy to string together all the evidence they'd gathered and come up with this picture. It had involved Gazzy hiding in a cupboard and Nudge straining her ears so hard on watch she allowed herself to be crapped on by a passing bird. Apparently killing Voldemort all those years ago had turned Harry into a chosen one, and he was destined to beat him for good this time. The three friends were on a mission to destroy these things called horcruxes which were, for what Nudge could figure out, sort of like the one Ring, only there were seven of them which was extremely inconvenient. They had managed to destroy three already, which left four to go. Apparently, to make Voldemort mortal and killable again, you had to first destroy all seven horcruxes, and that's what the trio were trying to do.

There was also discussion of the three Deathly Hallows. Hermione let slip they had something to do with a certain story, and at her first chance, Nudge had found _The Tales of Beedle the Bard _and read the story about the Deathly Hallows. They were three objects designed to 'cheat death': an invisibility cloak, an undefeatable wand, and a stone that could bring people back from the dead. There seemed to be an ongoing debate on whether or not these Deathly Hallows were real or not.

Nudge's mental review was interrupted by a muffled _boom _from outside the tent (it was a magical tent, with a spell on it so that inside it was the size of a small house, in contrast to the outside which was miniscule. This tent, along with all the other belongings, was kept inside a similarly enchanted tiny little beaded bag). She rocketed outside, hackles rising and getting ready for a fight, but the only danger seemed to be coming from Gazzy.

Nudge burst out laughing. Then she remembered that Max wasn't here and that made her in charge. She quickly stopped.

"Gazzy, you idiot!" she snapped.

"Ron helped!" the eight-year-old raised his hands in the air.

"What? I did not!" Ron looked thoroughly disgusted that anyone would even _accuse _him of doing something so… _immature_. Shame!

"I just wanted to see – if you combined magic with, you know, regular explosives – well…"

"Well?"

"…well…"

"You should be glad you didn't blow up the tent," Nudge indicated the large scorch mark in the ground. "I mean, really! Also, um, _huge _indication that someone's been here. Someone with a psychotic pyro tagging along! How obvious is that? If Max were here, she would kill you dead. In fact, she'd kill you _so _dead - "

"Ronald!" Hermione emerged from the woods and nearly dropped her bundle of firewood.

"Bloody hell, it was the kid! It wasn't me!"

"You can't be so _loud, _we'll be _discovered_, and then we'll –we'll –well, _die_!"

"Don't be so melodramatic, Hermione - "

"I'm not being melodramatic!"

"Hey!" Harry poked his head out from the tent. "Some of us are trying to sleep in here."

"Sorry," said all four of them at once.


	5. Confrontations

**Made some adjustments to the format… hopefully the story will flow a little better now. Think of the italicized parts at the beginning as sort of like, 'previously, on insertTVshownamehere…' kind of thing.**

**REVIEWS MAKE THE WORLD GO 'ROUND!**

**XXXXXXXX**

**MAX  
>Naruto<br>Sunagakure**

_He looked at me for a while, brain apparently whirring. "Unfortunately, since you don't seem to be willing to respond to me, I am going to have to confine you."_

_ "Confine me?" that got my attention. "What, like jail?"_

_ His expression said yes._

I made a snap decision. This guy didn't look like he was healthy enough to be going anywhere fast, so I took a flying leap over his bed and out the window, and then a flying _fly _from there. My wings snapped open and caught the faint breeze like a kite. One flap sent me several meters upwards. With my sharp avian hearing I could hear shuffling back in that room, no doubt guards getting ready to chase me. But my hyperdrive kicked in and I was two miles away in about fifteen seconds. I flew around a couple times, backtracked, and got myself thoroughly lost, and then touched down, pulling my wings in. It would be a good idea to gather information before I split for good.

I was stifling hot in my all-longs outfit, so I peeled off my sweatshirt and windbreaker. Even in the short sleeved shirt underneath it was really hot. From my aerial view I had determined that this was some sort of desert town. All the buildings where white, made out of, like, mud or something, and outside the walls was sand as far as the eye could see.

_No wonder everyone's dressed like sluts, _I thought, looking around at all the girls in mini- and micro-skirts and alarmingly low-cut tank tops. Most of the guys were the exact opposite, clad in white robes that covered most of their bodies, but some of them wore weird capri-like sweats and variations of tops. A recurring accessory seemed to be something like a headband with an hourglass engraved into it. I wondered what it was for.

In the crowded confusion of the square I was walking around in, I hadn't noticed a guy sneaking up behind me. He grabbed my wrist and I immediately spun around and punched at his face. He grabbed my fist and twisted it aside. I wrenched my limbs from his grip.

"Wow," he said. "What was that for?"

It was another familiar face from that cave. It was the blonde with the whisker-cheeks.

"Who are you and what do you want?" I asked coldly.

"I just recognized you – you're the girl Akatsuki kidnapped, right? Are you okay?" he said. So far, seemed safe enough. I narrowed my eyes.

"Just dandy," truthfully, I felt almost completely recovered. It's amazing what leaving a hospital can do for ya.

"What are you doing out of the hospital?" He looked so innocent when he said that it made me want to knock his teeth out.

"I hate hospitals," I said. "I split."

"Oh. Did you talk to Gaara?" he asked. "Gaara said he wanted to talk to you when you woke up… annoying, he wouldn't even talk to _me_."

"Who _are _you?" I asked.

"Oh, right. I'm Naruto. What's up?" he said.

"Can you tell me what this Akatsuki thing is?" I continued, ignoring his question.

"Oh, they're like, this group of people who are trying to capture all the jinchuuriki - "

"The demon containers," I confirmed. He nodded.

"Yeah, the jinchuuriki. Who knows why, but they're definitely evil."

Evil group of people with evil intentions yet unknown? Sounds familiar.

"Look, I'm really bad at explaining things. I'm not really a words person," he said. "We should go back to the Kazekage tower. Kakashi is there, he's much better at this kind of thing."

_Who's Kakashi? _I wondered, and filed that away into my brain as one of the zillion questions I should probably get answered at some point.

"Thanks, but no thanks," I prepped to do a lickity-split U and A when someone addressed me from behind.

"Just humor him. He's been going on about asking Gaara what it's like to be dead all day," I turned around. It was the pink haired girl from the cave, rolling her almost turquoise eyes. Then she held out her for me to shake. "I'm Haruno Sakura, by the way."

I glanced down at it, but didn't shake. I don't shake hands. "Haruno? Funny name."

I wasn't sure why, but I instantly had a _serious _dislike for this chick. Maybe it was because her hair was pink and pink is a shade of red and – well, you know me.

She drew back. "Haruno is a perfectly normal family name!"

"That's your last name? Then why'd you say it first?" I shot back. So her name was Sakura, then?

"That's how you do it! Family name, and then… well, _name _name!"

"Not on my planet."

"Well, apparently you aren't _from _this planet," she snapped. "What's your name, anyways?"

"Max," I said.

"Well, at least I _have _two names," she said tartly.

"I have two names!" I told her. "Max Ride. Maximum Ride. That's my name."

"That's a stupid name," Sakura retorted. "They're both words."

"Better than 'sakura', that's a flower," I rolled my eyes.

"Woah, woah, woah!" Naruto jumped between the two of us. "Chill out. Let's just say you _both _have weird names and leave at that!"

Sakura punched him in the head (_wicked _hard, I mean supernaturally hard) while I pointed out icily that _his _name was weird, too.

"_Ow, _Sakura!" he whined. "Can we _please _go back to the Kazekage tower? _Please_?"

**FANG  
>Buffy the Vampire Slayer<br>Buffy's House**

_There was a thud and the sound of an opening door above them. Fang was immediately even more on-edge then he had been before. His fists clenched around the granola bar and he slid his left foot back in a discreet fighting stance._

But he didn't have to. A girl came bouncing down the stairs in pajama shorts and a tank top. She had long brown hair and looked maybe fourteen or fifteen. When she caught sight of him, color rose to her cheeks.

"Who's _that_?" she spat at Buffy, crossing her arms in an attempt to cover her lack of proper dress.

"Dawnie! This is Fang. Fang, this is Dawn, Buffy's sister," Willow introduced them. "Dawn, Fang is a… well, do you mind if I say mutant?"

"Whatever," Fang shrugged.

"_Mutant_?" Dawn's eyebrows shot up. "Huh. You don't look mutant to me."

He allowed his wings to slip from under his shirt a bit again.

"Cool," Dawn grinned. Fang was completely freaked out (he didn't show it, of course) – not because Willow and Tara were apparently _witches _and Buffy was apparently a _vampire slayer _and vampires and demons apparently _existed_, but because they seemed so unconcerned about his extra body parts.

"Wait, what are you doing up?" Buffy looked up at her sister. "It's eleven o' clock! Go to bed!"

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Oh, no, _eleven_. _So _late."

"Buffy's right. We should all go to sleep soon. School tomorrow," said Willow.

"There's a guest bed in the basement, or you could sleep on the couch," Buffy told Fang. "Just until tomorrow, when we hand you over to Giles."

Fang didn't like the sound of that, but he gave her the benefit of the doubt and just assumed she was saying it like that as a joke.

"I'd prefer somewhere aboveground," he said. "But I don't really care."

He was barely aware of the fact that he'd just _agreed to stay in a complete stranger's house. _But hey, he could handle himself. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth and all that.

"Couch it is," said Tara. "We've got extra blankets in our closet, right Willow?"

"Yeah, let's go get them."

The two young women walked up the stairs, taking Dawn with them, and disappeared into the hall above, leaving Fang and Buffy in the kitchen together, alone. They stood there awkwardly for a second.

"Let's get the scratchy pillows off the couch," Buffy decided finally. They went into the living room and Buffy plucked off a few pillows, some beaded or embroidered funnily or otherwise uncomfortable-looking and set them on a chair.

"So, tomorrow you will meet Xander, Anya, and Giles. Giles will know what to do with you and your whole gallivanting around in a nerdy movie thing."

"Great," said Fang. They were saved from another awkward silence by Willow and Tara trouping down the stairs, laden down with blankets.

That night, Fang fell asleep thinking of the Flock, but mainly one particular member. He had to get his mind off all this crazy occult crap.

**IGGY AND ANGEL  
>Avatar: The Last Airbender<br>Somewhere in the Earth Kingdom**

"_What?" Katara – the girl – snorted. "Why don't we introduce you to the rest of the group? By the way, I'm Katara, and this is my brother Sokka."_

_ "I'm Jeff, this is Angie," Iggy introduced them, being sure to use nice, fake names. He heard Angel pout next to him. No doubt she wanted to pick her own name, something Nudge-inspired, like… Angelina Glitterpants Barbieface McWonderpets or whatever._

_ "Those are weird names, too," Sokka commented. "Where are you from?"_

_ "All over," Iggy said._

_ "Quit being so rude," Katara told her brother. "Here, the others are this way."_

She led them about one fifty meters or so through the trees and underbrush until they reached a nice little clearing. Iggy immediately located two more people and some sort of animal lounging about.

"Jeff, Angie, this is Toph and Aang, and that's Momo," Katara introduced. Her arm bumped against Iggy's as she lifted it to point at Toph and Aang and Momo respectively and Iggy memorized their… well, their general _feel._ He would be able to locate them again. "Momo's a flying lemur. Toph, Aang, this is Jeff and Angie. We found them in the woods. They're headed for Ba Sing Se, too."

"Great, more fun traveling companions!" Toph exclaimed sarcastically.

"Hi!" Aang jumped up. "Wow, your hair is _great_! It looks like… like gold! Or hay!"

"See, it _is _abnormally colored!" Sokka spat.

"My hair's fine!" Angel said defensively. Iggy patted her on the head.

"Your hair's great, Ange," he assured her.

"Hey… wait, hold on a second," scuffing of feet and body. Toph probably gotten into a crouching position. "You… you're not normal."

Iggy froze. How did she know?

"Your heart rate just went up," Toph observed. She stood up and began walking towards them. "But… it was already super high to begin with. Abnormally high. You're super tall, but _super _light. And you've got stuff sticking out of your back… hold on, are those _wings_?"

"You have _wings_?" Sokka cried in disbelief. "No way! That is so cool!"

"Wait!" although he tried to squash it, panic was rising in Iggy's voice. "How could you tell? How did you know without looking?"

"I don't really do much _looking_, thank you very much," the girl said tartly. Something about that statement felt so familiar to him. Like it was something _he _would say.

"Hold on," he said, realization dawning. "That was a _blind _joke!"

"No friggin' duh," she retorted.

"Oooh!" Angel squealed. She grabbed the two of them and shoved them together. "You two should get married!"

"You are acting _awfully _Nudge-like today, Angie," Iggy pushed her away.

"Wait… married?" Aang jumped forward – really, really far forward. That kid really knew how to get from point A to point B in a single bound with no obvious effort. "How come?"

"They have so much in common!" Angel said. "They're both blind… and… and… well…"

"Yeah, that about covers it," Iggy said coolly.

"Wait, you're blind?" Toph asked in disbelief.

"Have been for kind of a while now."

There was a pause. Then, "cool," she slurred, and slugged him on the shoulder.

"Ow," Iggy said, with some surprise. "That actually kind of hurt…"

**NUDGE AND THE GASMAN  
>Harry Potter<br>Somewhere in Britain**

"_Ronald!" Hermione emerged from the woods and nearly dropped her bundle of firewood._

_ "Bloody hell, it was the kid! It wasn't me!"_

_ "You can't be so loud, we'll be discovered, and then we'll –we'll –well, die!"_

_ "Don't be so melodramatic, Hermione - "_

_ "I'm not being melodramatic!"_

_ "Hey!" Harry poked his head out from the tent. "Some of us are trying to sleep in here."_

_ "Sorry," said all four of them at once._

Nudge was surprised when after weeks of jumping from place to place in search of more horcruxes in the pouring rain, she and Gazzy still hadn't been kicked out. Ron had certainly tried, at first, but Hermione had taken a liking to Nudge. She probably enjoyed the change of pace from being surrounded by angsty, hormonal teenage boys.

Harry, however, didn't seem to care one way or another. He mostly just locked himself in whatever room was available to 'think'. This set the rest of the group increasingly more on edge every day. Hermione seemed to be, shall we say, extremely pissed off at this, and Ron was obviously sucking up to her. All in all, nobody got anything much done. Ron brainstormed, Hermione pored over her books, Harry daydreamed. Ron tried to get the radio to work, Hermione searched for other safe places to camp, Harry daydreamed.

One day, however, they managed to pull Harry out of his little hole when Ron fixed the radio. Or rather, he gained access to a certain station, something he'd been attempting for days

"I've got it, I've got it! Password's 'Albus'! Get in here, Harry!" he announced, successfully pulling to boy with the lightning scar out of his stupor. All five of them knelt over the radio as sound issued from the speaker.

"…apologize for our temporary absence from the airwaves, which was due to a number of house calls in our area by those charming Death Eaters."

"But that's Lee Jordan!" Hermione said.

"Who?"

"A friend… from Hogwarts…"

"I know!" Ron grinned. "Cool, eh?"

Other voices that Ron introduced them to included 'Royal', or Kingsley Shacklebolt, an Auror (basically a wizard cop), 'Romulus', or Remus Lupin, a werewolf friend, 'Rodent' – actually, 'Rapier' – probably Fred but possibly George, and one of Ron's numerous brothers. As the station reported deaths of wizards and Muggles, Harry, Ron, and Hermione's faces became drawn, pale and distressed. Someone called Xenophilius Lovegood had been arrested. Someone named Hagrid who apparently had a sixteen-foot-tall half-brother was on the run after having hosted a 'Support Harry Potter' party. Romulus – or, Remus – had a segment where he announced firmly that he believed Harry was still alive, and that he believed in him, after which Ron informed them that Remus had moved back in with Tonks (his wife, apparently) who was massively pregnant. Fred reported that Voldemort was hiding out to keep suspicion and confusion reigning.

"Wicked," Gazzy grinned crazily. He had been picking up British terms.

"Good, eh?" said Ron brightly, once the broadcast was over.

"Brilliant," Harry agreed.

"It's so brave of them," said Hermione. "If they were found…"

"Well, they keep on the move, don't they?" Ron shrugged. "Like us."

"But didn't you hear what Fred said?" Harry said excitedly. Ron, Hermione, and Nudge exchanged a look. They all knew what was coming. "He's abroad! He's still looking for the Wand, I knew it!"

"Harry - "

"Come on, Hermione, why are you so determined not to admit it? Vol - "

"HARRY, NO!" Ron lunged forward.

" – demort's after the Elder Wand!"

"The name's Taboo!" Ron bellowed, leaping to his feet as a loud crack sounded outside the tent. Nudge grabbed Gazzy's wrist and they both jumped into combat stances, snapping their wings out. "I told you, Harry, I told you, we can't say it anymore – we've got to put the protection back around us – quickly - it's how they find - "

Ron cut himself off and Nudge held her breath. She could hear her heart pounding in her ears. She pulled Gazzy close. Voices were coming nearer and nearer. A stick snapped loudly. Ron pulled something out of his pocket and clicked it. The lights in the tent all went out.

There was a moment of silence and Nudge squeezed her eyes shut. She opened them again when a raspy voice slithered through the darkness.

"Come out of there with your hands up!" it ordered. "We knew you're in there! You've got half a dozen wands pointing at you and we don't care who we curse!"


	6. Pinky

**SOOO sorry for the gap in updates! I went on literally, like, four surprise vacations, with only one day between each one… and that day was usually used hanging out with friends… I'll try and warn you if there will be a large expanse of time between updates next time, I promise!**

**Oh yeah, and reviews are the reason I get out of bed in the morning ;)**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**MAX  
>Naruto<br>Sunagakure**

_ Sakura punched him in the head (wicked hard, I mean supernaturally hard) while I pointed out icily that his name was weird, too._

_ "Ow, Sakura!" he whined. "Can we please go back to the Kazekage tower? Please?"_

"No thanks," I said.

"Why _not_?" Naruto whimpered.

"Because if I go back there I'll be thrown in jail," I said matter-of-factly.

"Why am I not surprised?" Sakura said through clenched teeth.

"Why will you be thrown in _jail_?" Naruto gaped, looking thoroughly shocked. This guy was one of the most naïve, stupid, childish people I'd ever met, and he was obviously _older _than me, too. I mean, really. He didn't seem to be freaked out at all that he was in the presence of a con.

"I refused to clearly answer his questions or something stupid like that," I rolled my eyes. "You know, I thought he was _cool_, but turns out, _nooo!_ He's just like every single other military leader out there. Stupid BS. But I'm rambling."

Suddenly, without warning, Sakura's hand shot out and she gripped my wrist in her demonic vice-like eagle claws, grinning sadistically.

"Well, I guess that means we'll have to take you in!" she said with glee.

"What? No!" I tried to tear my arm free but was rewarded with my arm being practically ripped out of its socket.

This chick was strong. And I mean really strong. She didn't _look _strong – she looked just like any other skinny, girly, wimpy little turd, but she apparently was _not_, because even with full-powered super-strength, her hellish talons wouldn't budge.

And then she started to drag me – me! Maximum Ride! – kicking and screaming – literally! Me! Maximum Ride! – back towards that stupid tower, Naruto following cautiously and telling Sakura to 'be gentle' and 'don't hurt her' and 'she's just been through a traumatic experience! I'm sure she's not that bad!'.

"_Shut up_!" Sakura and I both screeched at the exact same time. Then we turned on each other. "_You _shut up!"

"Don't talk to Naruto that way!"

"I'll talk to anyone whatever way I _want_, Pinky!"

"Don't call me Pinky, bird girl!"

Great! Does _everyone _know about them? I mean, really – whatever happened to doctor-patient confidentiality?

"I will jump you in your sleep and rip your fingernails out!" I burst.

"Oh! In my sleep, will you? You obviously have _no _honor."

"Honor! Honor is the kind of thing that gets you killed! What is this, feudal Japan?"

"You little bi - "

"We're here!" Naruto announced loudly. "If you two lovely ladies would like to stop ripping each other apart…"

"_I said shut up!_"

"Okay, okay, just a suggestion…"

Sakura manhandled me into the tower and marched up to the front desk, where her hostile manner quickly melted into a sickeningly sweet smile.

"Hello! I was wondering where we could find the Kazekage. It's rather urgent," she shrugged and giggled as if she were embarrassed. _Embarrassed. _Ha! I really didn't like this girl.

"He's still in the hospital," said the man at the desk. "Do you have an appointment?"

"No, sorry," Sakura apologized. "This girl here, well, he put her under arrest –_ ow! _– but she kind of escaped – _stop_! – and so Naruto and I are bringing her in now – _will you quit that?_"

In case you were wondering, those various interjections were my futile attempts to smash her arm off and ditch.

"Under _arrest_?" the man leaned forward and examined me through narrowed eyes. I stuck my chin up and glared down at him. "Do you have a warrant?"

I really, I mean _really_, shouldn't have mentioned that whole going-to-jail-thing. I need to get my ego under control stat or one of these days I'm going to end up dead.

"No warrant, unfortunately."

"Wait here, I'll send a messenger…"

Sakura deposited me on a couch in the waiting room and sat next to me, crossing her legs and folding her arms. Naruto began a little dance that suspiciously brought him close to the door.

"Stop _right _there," Sakura said. "If either one of you so much as _twitches _I swear I'll pound you ten miles underground."

I was practically having an identity crisis right then and there. I am _not _used to being pushed around. _I _push people around. _I _am the pusher-arounder. Not anyone else. I'm pretty sure my system couldn't handle it. Any minute I was going to snap. Now, I know what you're thinking: how pathetic. Max can dish it out but she can't take it.

And to that I say, shut up.

**FANG  
>Buffy the Vampire Slayer<br>Buffy's House**

_ That night, Fang fell asleep thinking of the Flock, but mainly one particular member. He had to get his mind off all this crazy occult crap._

The next morning he was woken up by the door slamming open loudly.

"Rise and shine, ladies!" a man shouted. Fang blinked his eyes open and immediately threw the blankets off, dropping into a combat position. The man, who was standing in the door, threw his arms up above his head.

"Who're _you_?" he snapped.

There was a low moan from upstairs and Dawn appeared, wiping sleep from her eyes. She practically tripped her way down the stairs and rammed a headbutt in the newcomer's stomach.

"Whatareyoudoinghereit'slikefiveinthefreakingmorning," she slurred.

"Who is _that_?" the man asked again.

Apparently the man expected him to answer because he wanted to know, and Dawn expected him to answer to save her the trouble of stringing together actual words this early in the morning. When after a beat he hadn't said a word, Dawn sighed and stumbled backwards into a wall, bouncing off and stumbling into the kitchen.

"He's Fang," she managed to grumble.

"Hi," Fang decided to say, relaxing a little. Dawn obviously trusted this guy, so he was probably harmless.

"Go away, Xander," Buffy, Willow, and Tara had all apparently been roused by the racket. Buffy was yawning and stretching and Willow was rubbing sleep out of her eyes with and exhausted-looking Tara leaning heavily on her shoulder.

_So this is Xander_, Fang thought. _Fantastic, I get to meet another creature out of a horror movie._

But there was something different about Xander. He looked indescribably… human. While Buffy, Willow, and Tara all held an inexplicable feeling of power about them, Xander was more similar to Dawn, except he seemed even more of an average Joe. He was tall, with brown hair and broad shoulders. He wore jeans, sneakers and a Hawaiian-print shirt.

"What? Is this some girl thing where you all go into comas on Thursdays or something? I thought I was supposed to bring Dawn to school at seven," Xander said, looking annoyed.

"_Seven_?" Dawn shrieked. "It's pitch black outside! The clock says five o six! What is your problem?"

Xander frowned, his expression clearly saying, _what_? He glanced at his watch, and realization dawned on his face.

"_That's _why Anya threw the coffee pot at me!"

"I'm beginning to understand why you didn't get into college," Willow stomped down the stairs, pouting. "Well, now that we're all awake, I guess I'll just… whip up some breakfast."

She slipped into the kitchen and started rifling through the cupboards. "Since we're up so early and we have time… how about pancakes? Or, I know, waffles! Do you like waffles, Fang?"

_YEAH WE LIKE WAFFLES! _Is what Gazzy would sing. _DO YOU LIKE PANCAKES? YEAH WE LIKE PANCAKES! DO YOU LIKE FRENCH TOAST?_

But Gazzy wasn't there, so Fang just shrugged and said a quick, "Yeah."

Willow rustled through some cupboards and came up empty handed. "Oh," she said, sounding disappointed. "We're all out of flour. Cereal, anyone?"

There was a general rumble of consent, and Willow procured several boxes of cereal and cartons of milk. Some by hand. Some with Fang could only assume was magic.

Honestly, it didn't even faze him anymore.

**IGGY AND ANGEL  
>Avatar: the Last Airbender<br>Somewhere in the Earth Kingdom**

_"Wait, you're blind?" Toph asked in disbelief._

_ "Have been for kind of a while now."_

_ There was a pause. Then, "cool," she slurred, and slugged him on the shoulder._

_ "Ow," Iggy said, with some surprise. "That actually kind of hurt…"_

Angel rubbed her temples, irritated. Her head had been aching slightly but steadily ever since they'd gotten here.

She rolled over and curled up into a ball, squeezing her eyes shut, blocking out all thought and light.

After their fateful encounter with the four kids, Iggy had made (a delicious) dinner that they'd all enjoyed immensely. During that dinner they exchanged some niceties and the two bird kids had vaguely described how they'd come across their wings, but Angel had delved into their minds and learned all she needed to know. She'd already passed it on to Iggy.

They were in a place divided into four… well, countries. There was the Water Tribe, that was where Katara and Sokka were from, which took up the north and south poles. Then there was the Earth Kingdom. They were currently in the Earth Kingdom, and Toph hailed from an Earth Kingdom town called Gaoling. Thirdly was the Fire Nation. None of these kids were Fire Nation. The Fire Nation were the antagonists in this story. They were hell bent on taking over the world. _Which brings us to the final nation_. The Air Nomads – that's what Aang was – were completely wiped out by the Fire Nation – except that one little monk, of course. And Momo (a flying lemur with an annoying tendency to steal people's food) and Appa (a giant flying bison who'd been kidnapped and they were now trying to find). Apparently Aang had run away from home on the same night the Fire Nation launched their attack on the Air Nomads. He'd been frozen inside an iceberg for a hundred years before Katara and Sokka found him.

Each of the four nations obviously corresponded to an element. Some people from that nation could bend – or manipulate – said element. Katara was a waterbender, so she could move water. Sokka was not a bender, even though they were siblings. Toph was an earthbender with the power to move earth. Aang was an airbender – the last airbender, to be precise. Angel had gathered that Toph and Katara were sort of Aang's instructors in their respective bending arts.

Oh yeah, that's another thing. Aang was some sort of Avatar. That had confused Angel at first. He wasn't blue, or tall, or from a distant planet. But then she'd figured out what it meant. The Avatar was a sort of deity that could bend all four elements and was meant to keep the peace between all the nations. Obviously this had failed, seeing as there was a giant war going on.

_I wonder if this is the same as in the Lord of the Rings, _Angel thought. _Maybe we have to help put a stop to _this _war, too._

She hoped not. She was getting kind of tired of wars.

Her train of thought was interrupted by a shuffling in the bushes. Her hackles rose. It didn't sound like Momo, or a human. _It's probably just an animal_. She didn't reach out with her mind, though. That would just make her head hurt more. Instead, she silently sat up and glared into the underbrush. There was more shuffling, a snort, and then…

"Angel!" something small and black barreled into her stomach. She let out a delighted shriek and hugged Total tightly.

"Total!" she grinned.

Iggy sat up tiredly beside her. "Total?"

"Yo, Ig-man," the talking dog said.

"Hey," Iggy said, before flopping back down and falling asleep again. "And it's Jeff! My name is Jeff."

"What is _that_?" it was Sokka, and he sounded very freaked out.

"This is Total, he's my dog," Angel explained.

"What's a dog and why is it talking?" Toph snapped.

"The whitecoats made it so he could talk," Angel explained. "And what do you mean, _what's a dog?_"

"Whoah! You have an animal that _talks_?" Aang looked like someone had just given him the rights to a small country. He jumped over. "Hey little buddy!"

"Little buddy, my tail," Total growled. "Nice tattoos, baldy."

Aang ran his hand across his bald head, which was tattooed with a blue arrow. "Thanks!"

"Wait – what are you doing here?" Iggy asked.

"Same thing you are," said Total. "As in I have no idea."

"Oh. Okay." Iggy shrugged.

Angel cuddled the small dog up to her stomach.

"I wonder if the others are here, too," she said absently.

" 'The others'?" Sokka asked. "Who?"

"The rest of our family," Angel explained. "We lost them."

"Is that why you're going to Ba Sing Se?" Katara asked. "To find them? I hear it's swarming with refugees."

"Yep," said Iggy. Total gave a confused sort of snort but a flick from Angel was all he needed to shut up.

**NUDGE AND THE GASMAN  
>Harry Potter<br>Somewhere in the woods**

_ There was a moment of silence and Nudge squeezed her eyes shut. She opened them again when a raspy voice slithered through the darkness._

_ "Come out of there with your hands up!" it ordered. "We knew you're in there! You've got half a dozen wands pointing at you and we don't care who we curse!"_

Nudge's raptor vision was already adjusting to the darkness when there was a bang and a flash of white light and Harry crumpled to the ground. She was shocked to see that it was Hermione who had her wand pointed at him.

The entrance to the tent was thrown open and someone stomped in. He grabbed Harry by the collar.

"Get up, vermin."

Hands grabbed Nudge and shoved her outside. She didn't struggle, but the moment the grip slackened she kicked the man in the stomach and wrenched Gazzy out of his captor's hands and throwing him roughly in the air, swallowing her fear.

_Don't panic, _she screamed at herself. _Max wouldn't panic. You have to take care of Gazzy._

As the Gasman's wings caught the breeze she tried to take off, but a sensation like someone had punched her in the back made it impossible.

"Ah!" she cried as she went sprawling to the ground.

"Don't let the kid get away!" someone hissed. "Blast it, _stupefy!_"

Gazzy froze in midair and dropped to the ground with a thud where he lay, unmoving. Nudge shrieked in anger.

"Don't hurt him!" she screamed. "I'll kill you!"

"Ooh, scary," one of their captor's rolled their eyes.

"Search the tent!" the leader barked. "And see if the kid's dead. He looks delicious."

Nudge felt the color drain from her face. That leader – he reminded her sickeningly of an Eraser. Nudge's captor threw her face down on the ground next to Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

"Wake him, up, will you? We'll need his name," said the leader.

"_Ennervate_," someone growled. Nudge heard the unmistakable sound of Gazzy's whimpering. She felt herself being rolled over.

"Now let's see who we've got," said the leader. He pointed his lit wand down to get a look at their faces. The beam rested on Harry, and he laughed.

"I'll be needing butterbeer to wash this one down. What happened to you, ugly?"

When Harry didn't answer immediately, the leader kicked him in the stomach. "I _said_," he repeated. "What happened to you?"

Harry's face was puffy and swollen. His skin was stretched so tightly you couldn't make out the scar on his forehead, and his eyes were tiny slits in his face.

"Stung," Harry mumbled. "Been stung."

"Yeah, looks like it," another voice snorted.

"What's your name?" the leader snarled.

"Dudley," Harry told him after a beat.

"And your first name?"

"I – Vernon. Vernon Dudley."

"Check the list, Scabior," the leader ordered, and Scabior produced a book and started flipping through the pages. "And what about you, ginger?"

"Stan Shunpike," said Ron quickly.

"Like 'ell you are," called Scabior. "We know Stan Shunpike, 'e's put a bit of work our way."

From the angle she was at, Nudge saw the leader kick Ron in the face. He really _was _like an Eraser – wolfish, with yellowing eyes and long, grey hair, and apparently a lust for blood.

"I'b Bardy," Ron's voice was thick and muffled with blood. "Bardy Weadley."

"A Weasley?" the leader rasped. "So you're related to blood traitors, even if you're not a Mudblood. How about your pretty little friend?"

That last sentence was said with a relish that made Nudge want to punch him in the face. Their other captors jeered.

"Easy, Greyback," Scabior said. _Greyback. _He even had an Eraser-ish name.

"Oh, I'm not going to bite just yet. We'll see if she's a bit quicker at remembering her name than Barny. Who are you, girly?"

"Penelope Clearwater," Hermione answered, voice firm but shrill with terror.

"What's your blood status?"

"Half-Blood."

"That's easy enough to check," Greyback moved again so he was standing practically on top of Nudge. "How about you?"

"Nina. Nina Ride," Nudge hoped her voice wasn't shaking. "This is my brother, Gunner."

"Brother?" Greyback didn't look convinced. Nudge cursed herself internally – she and Gazzy didn't look anything alike!

"Adopted," she amended quickly.

"She looks like she could be 'ogwarts age," said Scabior. "In fact, the 'ole lot of 'em do."

"We'b lebt," Ron said. "And she'd doo young."

Nudge knew that was a stretch. She was eleven, but she looked even older. Even Gazzy could pass for eleven if need be.

"Left, 'ave you, ginger?" said Scabior. "And you decided to go camping? And you thought, just for a laugh, you'd use the Dark Lord's name?"

"Nod a laugh," said Ron. "Aggiden."

"Accident?" their captors laughed again.

"You know who used to like using the Dark Lord's name, Weasley?" Greyback grinned sadistically. "The Order of the Phoenix. Mean anything to you?"

Harry, Ron, and Hermione had mentioned an Order of the Phoenix. Apparently they were on the frontline in the war.

"Doh," Ron lied.

"Well, they don't show the Dark Lord proper respect, so the name's been Tabooed," Greyback explained. "A few Order members have been tracked that way. We'll see. Bind them up with the other two prisoners!"

One of their captors grabbed Nudge by the hair and threw her to the ground a short ways away. Her head cracked against someone else's. She found Gazzy's hand and gripped it, hard. He was being tied up to her left, with Ron on her right.


	7. Serpent's Pass

**OBSCENELY LONG AUTHORS NOTE BELOW. BUT PLEASE READ IT. IT'S IMPORTANT. ESPECIALLY THE FIRST BIT. AND THE MIDDLE BIT. AND, TO SATISFY MY LITERARY/EMOTIONAL/CHILDHOOD/LIFE/DEPRESSED NEEDS THE LAST BIT, TOO. EXCEPT NOT REALLY.**

**Sorry for the late update, I was in Massachusetts at camp :P Speaking of, I won't be updating for around three weeks (I know, I know, it's horrible D: ) because I'll be in Europe visiting friends and being a lame American tourist :O But I'll write by hand while I'm there and then type it up and havea couple big juicy chapters for ya!**

**Oh yeah, and I was sort of looking at the Fang parts and then watching some Buffy and I realized how tragically off I am… I was totally not thinking… um, how bout we just imagine, for our purposes today, that the whole Buffy's-Mom-Spiel happened in season four? And Riley may or may not exist? Because I don't like him? You could just, you know, fill in the blanks yourself, if you've seen the show. If you haven't, then IT'S TOTALLY ACCURATE I SWEAR. Lol.**

**On another note…. OAUGFBSUCNP(*#^TRUIW:SBKNLIayhpe(uisailhf(*$owuhdksu! (translation: OMFG HARRY POTTER!1!) I cried, guys, I cried. With everyone dying, and I **_**LOST **_**it at the Snape part… omfg omg. If you haven't seen it yet, go see it right now or you will suffer a painful and untimely death. Harry Potter Era, guys, that's us (unless you're, like, not in this generation… then I suppose you can call yourself the Star Wars generation…). Never forget it. PEACE.**

**MAX  
>Naruto<br>Sunagakure**

_I was practically having an identity crisis right then and there. I am not used to being pushed around. I push people around. I am the pusher-arounder. Not anyone else. I'm pretty sure my system couldn't handle it. Any minute I was going to snap. Now, I know what you're thinking: how pathetic. Max can dish it out but she can't take it._

_ And to that I say, shut up._

I tore my wrist from her grip and rubbed it. It throbbed painfully.

"Did you have to break my bones?"

"You shouldn't have struggled. Then I wouldn't have had to," Sakura replied smarmily.

Words cannot describe how much I wanted to pummel her into mush right then.

"Ms. Haruno, is it?" a man was sticking his head through the door. Sakura muttered for Naruto to keep an eye on me and crossed the room over to him. They conversed quietly for a minute or so, so quietly and so far away that I could only make out about every eighth word. Finally, she stomped back over grimly and glared at me.

"Naruto," she said, without breaking eye contact with yours truly. "Why don't you take _Maximum _down to the courtrooms? That's what that guy told me to do."

"But Sakura!" Naruto whined. "I don't wanna! If he told _you _to do it - "

"I have to go report to Kakashi," Sakura glanced at him. His shoulders slumped, defeated.

"Ugh. Fine."

"What, you don't want my company?" I flashed him a grin. "I can really be a charming conversation partner, when I try."

Sakura gave a disbelieving snort and flounced out the door. Naruto looked down at me awkwardly. I had my arms and legs crossed defiantly, but on my face I had plastered a sort of sinister grin.

"Courtrooms, huh?" I said. "So I get a _trial._ Well that's just fan-freakin-tastic. Well, at least my right to habeas corpus hasn't been suspended."

"What's habeas corpus?" he asked.

"Never mind," I sighed. Honestly, I should be given a medal for knowing those big, long Latin words, seeing as I've spent less than a couple weeks on the receiving end of a legit education. _This _guy was still school aged, he should know these things! Unless they didn't have school here.

"Well, I guess we _should _get to the courtrooms," Naruto said. "Sakura is scary when she's angry…"

I sighed and stood up. "Lead the way, good sir."

He sniggered and we stepped back out into the harsh, blazing sunlight. My eyes darted around as I marked out at least seven possible escape routes and coiled my wings tightly, ready to snap them out and take off at record speed. Naruto saw this, however, and turned to me with a begging expression on his face.

"Please don't try to escape," he pleaded. "Sakura will kill me if I let you get away."

"I thought you were a big strong ninja," I rolled my eyes. "You could stop a puny little mutant freak like me, couldn't you?"

He winced. "Okay, okay, I probably could, but I don't want to make a scene! This isn't my home village. I don't want to get kicked out."

"Not your home village?" this caught my curiosity. "There are more ninja villages?"

"Yeah, a bunch," Naruto looked grateful to have captured my attention. Probably thought I wouldn't try and ditch now. "This is the Suna, Hidden Sand. I'm from Konoha, the Hidden Leaf. They're pretty much all Hidden Somethings. Sakura, Kakashi, and I came here to help save Gaara. Gai, Lee, Tenten, and Neji are here somewhere, too."

I knew Naruto and Sakura, and I'd heard talk of this Kakashi character, but I didn't recognize the other four. "Are there a lot of ninjas here? In this village specifically, I mean."

"Loads," said Naruto. "There are loads of us in general, too."

"So why couldn't these Suna dudes rescue their own guy?" I cocked an eyebrow. "I mean, really, that's pretty pathetic, having to rely on foreign manpower… I hope you're getting paid for that."

"I don't need to get paid to rescue Gaara!" Naruto scoffed. "He's my friend!"

"Sure he is," I said. "Not a very friendly sort of dude, though, is he?"

"Of course he's friendly!"

"You are an extremely misled human bean, aren't you?" I snorted. "By the way, where is this courthouse?"

"Um…" Naruto scratched the back of his head. "I'm not exactly sure…"

"Great!" I threw my arms up in the air. "You're worse that Gazzy… let's ask for directions, why don't we?"

"Good idea," he said. And then, "who's Gazzy?"

"What? Oh, my brother. Hey, you! No, not you, that guy! Yeah, you! Any idea where the courthouse is? Oh, great, cool, thanks." I turned back to Naruto. "That way direction!"

As we headed down another street, Naruto spoke again. "You never mentioned you had siblings."

"Why would I?" I pointed out. "We're not exactly best friends here. Quit nosing, buttface."

"Is it just the one?" he asked.

"No, there are six of us… well, none of us are really related, except for Gas and Angel, but we've lived in the same house… cage… tree… since we were born, so," I shrugged. I did not like this guy asking about my family. I did not like that I was just telling him about them, either. I mean, seriously, what's my deal? First I allow myself to be placed in a hospital, then I practically get arrested, _then_ get my ass handed to me by a chick with pink hair, and now I'm spilling my personal beeswax to a random shmuck with questionable fashion sense. "Not that it's any of your business."

"Cage?" Naruto gawked. "You lived in a _cage_?"

I laughed bitterly.

"Yeah, it's a funny story, actually…"

**FANG  
>Buffy the Vampire Slayer<br>Buffy's House**

_Willow rustled through some cupboards and came up empty handed. "Oh," she said, sounding disappointed. "We're all out of flour. Cereal, anyone?"_

_ There was a general rumble of consent, and Willow procured several boxes of cereal and cartons of milk. Some by hand. Some with Fang could only assume was magic._

_ Honestly, it didn't even faze him anymore._

Dawn sat down next to him at the table, nervousness practically rolling off her in waves.

"Pass the Cap'n Crunch?" she asked. Wordlessly he consented, and then poured himself some Golden Grams.

There would have been an awkward silence over the table if it weren't for the fact that Xander started rambling to Willow about – literally – his curtains.

"They're so ugly! And Anya won't let me switch them out for these new ones that I found. I found them in the dumpster. Okay, I know how ghetto and lame that sounds, but they match the couch _perfectly_. And I washed them myself! There isn't even a stain on them! Not a single tear! And they smell like _daisies_, which is more than I can say for the ones we have now - "

"Xander," Willow interrupted. "Are you quite sure that you're straight?"

"Yes! Positive!" he yelped. "I've had this conversation before – I was a _hyena_, I am _not gay_!"

Willow and Tara giggled at each other. Fang wondered what that meant, but decided he didn't want to know. He had to force down a smile as he pictured Xander sprouting a hyena's tail and growing hairy ears.

"So, um, where are you from?" Dawn asked. Fang considered giving her the same answer he'd given Buffy ("All over"), but decided he could afford to be a tad more specific.

A cage in the basement of an illegal facility nestled deep underground in Death Valley. "Colorado," he answered.

"Cool," said Dawn. "I've never been. Is it nice?"

"I guess," Fang shrugged. He'd flown over it a bit. That's it.

"So… what are you doing in Sunnyhell? Dale. Sunnydale. That's what I meant," she blushed.

"No clue," Fang shrugged. "I was actually previously attending King Aragorn's coronation ceremony."

"Aragorn?" Dawn frowned and struggled to place a finger on the name. "Oh! Wait. He's from that movie."

"Yeah," said Fang. "I was there."

She looked at him doubtfully. "Yeah… right…"

"It's kind of a long story," Fang sighed. "But I'm not crazy. I swear."

"Sure…" Dawn frowned and downed the last of her milk. "Um… I'm going to go take a shower. See you."

And with that, she left.

"I think you scared her," Buffy teased. Fang just grunted. "Although, you really can't expect anything else. I mean, you claim to have been spat out in the Hellmouth from a fictional story."

"Wait, what?" Xander was staring at him from over a spoonful of cereal. "You're from where?"

"Colorado," Fang repeated.

"No, after that!"

"Oh, Lord of the Rings."

"_What?_"

"Told you Xander would be all over you," Willow giggled again. "Oh, Xand, he's also a mutant – with wings!"

"You're joking," said Xander. "You're all pulling my leg, aren't you?"

"Never!" Buffy waved her hand through the air, as if banishing the very idea. "Perish the thought!"

"This is bull."

"It's not, I swear."

"You're lying. That's what witches do, they lie."

"Do you want me to curse you?"

"I was joking! Witches are kind, gently creatures, exemplifying the tenderness of womanhood – but you're still a dirty liar."

"Are not! Show him, Fang," Willow ordered. Fang sighed and revealed his wings for the fourth time. Xander looked properly freaked.

"Whoa!"

"I know, right?"

"I still think you're lying about the Lord of the Rings. That would just be too good to be true – not that I care about that kind of stuff," he said quickly. "So dorky."

Buffy rolled her eyes.

**IGGY AND ANGEL  
>Avatar: The Last Airbender<br>Somewhere in the Earth Kingdom**

_ "I wonder if the others are here, too," she said absently._

_ " 'The others'?" Sokka asked. "Who?"_

_ "The rest of our family," Angel explained. "We lost them."_

_ "Is that why you're going to Ba Sing Se?" Katara asked. "To find them? I hear it's swarming with refugees."_

_ "Yep," said Iggy. Total gave a confused sort of snort but Angel flicked him and he shut up._

They stuck to the idea of travelling together. Iggy, Angel, and Total frequently came to each other with the idea of escaping, but a combination of all three's logic always came to the same conclusion: they had to stick together, at least until they reached Ba Sing Se. They barely knew anything about this strange new place. They needed all the help they could get.

The three had become watchdogs, or at least that's what Toph dubbed them. Sokka had nearly peed his pants with excitement when he learned that their wings could _actually be used to fly _("No! Really?" Katara had rolled her eyes sarcastically.) and forced upon the lost Flock members the job of scouting around constantly to make sure the place was clear of Fire Nation soldiers.

Aang, as it turned out, could fly, too, with the help of his glider. He manipulated the currents in the air to carry him up in the sky. He taught them flying techniques that the Air Nomads learned from observing flying bison and lemurs, and in return, Iggy and Angel taught him all they had picked up from the eagles and other birds. Momo and Total were not part of this – they had decided that they didn't like each other and were constantly at each other's throats. Figuratively, of course. Wink.

"Yeah, you just tilt your wings – er, glider – like this," Iggy demonstrated. "Don't move your entire body – er, glider – just sort of slant off, see? It saves energy, plus it's way faster."

Aang nodded and shifted his weight to the right. Unfortunately, he shifted a bit too _much _weight, and a gust of wind caught his entirely vertical glider and sent him sprawling through the air. He only just had time to right himself before plummeting to his doom. Angel giggled.

"This is _hard_!" he pouted.

"It's not _that _hard," Angel told him. "It's just kind of windy today. We should try when that dies down. Then maybe you won't crash land…"

"I didn't crash land!" Aang insisted. "I saved myself!"

"Sure…"

"I know! How about_ I _teach _you _some stuff now?" Aang suggested, with a hint of ice in his voice.

"Sure!" Angel grinned. "I want to learn how you do those crazy loop-de-loops!"

"Yeah, okay – those are pretty easy," he smirked evilly. "You just go straight up – and then you start tilting backwards – and then what I do is either stop the air from supporting me, or pull my glider in, but I guess you guys would just stop flapping – and then you drop down – but you have to remember to pull out of it fast enough or you'll hit the ground head first!"

He demonstrated for Angel's benefit. She shot up through the air and arched her back folding her wings against her body and taking a header down through the air. She shrieked and laughed as she attempted to right herself smoothly – when _that _didn't work out, she twisted and writhed in midair desperately until she managed to flatten herself out.

"See – _my _stuff is hard, too," said Aang proudly.

"Hey, guys – _GUYS!_" Sokka was yelling. "Get down here!"

The three airborne people touched down.

"What's up?" Iggy asked.

"We need to go over these maps," Sokka looked mildly annoyed. "Figure out the best way to Ba Sing Se."

"Riiiight," said Iggy. "I'll just hang out over here if you don't mind."

"No – everyone needs to help! That means you, too!"

"Yeah, because I'll be _such _a big help _looking at a map_."

"…oh yeah. Sorry."

"No biggie."

"Hey, Katara!" Sokka shouted. "_You _need to help me, at least!"

"But I'm having fun!" Katara was at the top of a cliff, poised to jump in the water.

"I wouldn't do that – you don't know how deep the river is!" Sokka warned loudly, but it was too late. Katara had already cannonballed in, shouting 'WATER BOMB!' at the top of her lungs. There was a ridiculously large splash – probably something to do with Katara's waterbending – and Sokka (+ maps) were thoroughly soaked.

"You ruined them!" he shouted. Katara giggled and climbed onto dry land.

"Oops," she said. "Here, I can fix it…"

She bent the water out of the maps and back into the river. Sokka scowled at her.

"Okay, guys, I think I found the way we have to go to get to Ba Sing Se," he said, laying the map on a dry rock and pointing at a spot. "It's called the Serpent's Pass. It's tricky, but it's the most direct route."

"Tricky?" Toph didn't look convinced. "_How _tricky? Are you sure that's the best way?"

"It's the _only _way," Sokka said. "I mean, it's not like we have Appa to fly us there - "

"Sokka, shush up!" Katara hissed. "Can't you at least _try _to be sensitive?"

"Katara, it's okay," Aang said. "I know I was upset before, but right now I just want to focus on getting to Ba Sing Se."

Angel, feeling uncomfortably third-wheel-ish, cut in. "_We _can always carry you, too!" she said brightly. "One at a time, of course."

Momo chirped and attacked the nut she was about to eat. "Ow, get off!"

"Then to Ba Sing Se we go, no more distractions," Sokka said with finality, standing up. Just then, there was another distraction.

"Hello there, fellow refugees!" someone called. They turned to see three people coming over the hill, a man and two women. One was pregnant. They shuffled over to Team Avatar (and guests). Katara smiled.

"Are you headed for Ba Sing Se, too?" she asked.

"Yes," said one of the men. "We're trying to get there before my wife, Ying, has her baby."

"Great!" said Katara. "We can travel through the Serpent's Pass together!"

"The Serpent's Pass?" Ying clapped a hand over her mouth. "Only the truly desperate take that deadly route!"

There was a moment of silence, and then Toph grinned. "Deadly route!" Her fist snapped out and practically knocked Sokka over. "Great pick, Sokka!"

**NUDGE AND THE GASMAN  
>Harry Potter (SPAZZFLAILDIE)<br>Somewhere in the Woods**

_ One of their captors grabbed Nudge by the hair and threw her to the ground a short ways away. Her head cracked against someone else's. She found Gazzy's hand and gripped it, hard. He was being tied up to her left, with Ron on her right._

"Anyone still got a wand?" Harry whispered.

"No," said Ron and Hermione.

"This is all my fault," he groaned. "I said the name, I'm sorry - "

"Harry?" this was new voice that Nudge had never heard before. She twisted her head to see a boy, maybe seventeen years old, and a gnarled, pale creature. She bit back a gasp.

"_Dean?_" Harry seemed to know this boy.

"It _is _you! If they find out who they've got - ! They're Snatchers, they're only looking for truants to sell for gold -"

There was a crash from inside the tent and Greyback walked near them. "Not a bad little haul for one night. A Mudblood, a runaway goblin, and three truants. You checked their names on the list yet, Scabior?"

"Yeah," said Scabior. "There's no Vernon Dudley on 'ere, Greyback."

Greyback knelt in front of Harry. "So you aren't wanted, then, Vernon? Or are you on that list under a different name? What House were you in at Hogwarts?"

"Slytherin," Harry answered quickly. Too quickly. Nudge's breath caught.

"Funny 'ow they all thinks we wants to 'ear that," said Scabior. "But none of 'em can tell us where the common room is."

"It's in the dungeons!" Harry gasped. "You enter through the wall. It's full of skulls and stuff and it's under the lake, so the light's all green."

"Well, well, looks like we really 'ave caught a little Slytherin," said Scabior. "Good for you, Vernon, 'cause there ain't a lot of Mudblood Slytherins. Who's your father?"

"He works at the Ministry," Harry said, after a millisecond's hesitation. "Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes."

Nudge bit her tongue. If she wasn't completely mistaken, that was the bullest story _ever_…

"You know what, Greyback," Scabior said. "I think there _is _a Dudley in there."

_No way_, Nudge thought. _This guy must be _really _stupid…_

"Well, well," said Greyback, and Nudge could hear the faintest bit of worry in his voice. She supposed he would be in trouble for tying up the son of someone in the Ministry. "If you're telling the truth, ugly, you've got nothing to fear from a trip to the Ministry. I expect your father'll reward us just for picking you up."

"But if you just let us - "

"Hey!" someone shouted from inside the tent. "Look at this, Greyback!"

Someone shuffled towards them and Nudge could see the clear outline of a sword. _A sword? A freaking sword? I thought we were done with this sword stuff!_

"Very nice," Greyback grinned, taking the sword. "Oh, very nice indeed. Looks goblin-made, that. Where did you get something like this?"

"It's my father's," Harry lied again. "We borrowed it to cut firewood."

Cut firewood. _Cut firewood? _Nudge glared at him. That was the worst cover story she'd ever heard.

"'ang on a minute, Greyback! Look at this, in the _Prophet_!" Scabior waved a newspaper around. "'_'ermione Granger,'" _Scabior said. " '_the Mudblood who is known to be traveling with 'arry Potter.'_"

Nudge gulped. She wished Angel was here. Angel could mind-control them out of any situation, no matter how sucky…

"You know what, little girly? This picture looks a hell of a lot like you."

"It isn't! It isn't me!" Hermione squeaked, terrified, but Nudge could tell it wouldn't convince anyone.

"_ '…known to be traveling with Harry Potter,'_" Greyback repeated into the silence. A feral grin crept across his gnarled, stubbly face. "Well, this changes things, doesn't it?"

xxxx

**Okay, I'm going to do some shameless plugging here. See this link?(remove the spaces):**

**http: / / figment .com/ books/ 107208-The-Prophecy **

**Well, it leads to a fantastic little site called Figment that you may have heard of. If you happen to be a member would you happen to be able to find it in your heart to, well, heart that story? It's for a contest that I probably have no chance of winning, but I'd like to, you know?**


	8. Malfoy Manor

**This took way longer than it should have. Rest assured I am inwardly kicking myself.**

**Europe was awesome, if not exhausting. I swear that was **_**the **_**most American vacation I've ever taken. We didn't stay in the same country for over a week, and we went to, like, three different places in Italy. The weather in Germany sucked beans, but other than that it was nice and sunny (except that one day it was thundering in Paris). I wrote a bunch**__**of Fang and a little Iggy/Angel by hand, but I really didn't have much time for writing, unfortunately. I think I'll put out another chapter tomorrow, and maybe the next day, too, the make it up to you. FORGIVE ME!**

**MAX  
>Naruto<br>Sunagakure**

_ "Cage?" Naruto gawked. "You lived in a cage?"_

_ I laughed bitterly._

_ "Yeah, it's a funny story, actually…"_

We were now standing in front of a large building labeled with incomprehensible squiggly lines.

"Is this it?" I asked.

"Are you going to tell me the funny story?" he pressed.

"No. Is this it?"

"Yes. Oh, come on!"

"No. Let's just get this over with."

"Please! Oh, and I'm sure it will all be fine."

"No! And I don't need reassurance from you."

"_Please _tell me?"

"Piss off, loser!" I snapped, and he looked exponentially more hurt than one should after being called a loser by a complete stranger, especially when said complete stranger has a knack for insulting everyone she meets at a rate of at least 50 IPH (Insults Per Hour). In fact, the look he gave me was _so _hurt (okay, it wasn't _that _hurt, but it was still _too _hurt) that I almost felt bad. Ha! Just kidding. Maximum Ride doesn't feel guilt. She's like Chuck Norris in that way. And several other ways, too.

…woah, am I talking about myself in third person? That on top of all the traumatizing experiences and the voice in my head, I think I should probably check myself into a mental hospital.

"Let's just go in," I said testily. "Move it or lose it, blondie."

"No, don't run away!" he dashed after me as I stomped into the courthouse.

In the reception room, there was yet another desk, with yet another man at it. I stepped up to it and glared down at him.

"Yes?" he peered at me through his glasses.

"I'm here to be tried for no apparent reason," I growled. He stared, and started to shrink away.

"Er… what's your name?" he asked.

"Maximum Ride," I said slowly and clearly, wondering how the heck they'd set this whole law-trial thing up so fast.

"I feel like _I _should be doing the talking," Naruto grumbled. "_You're _the criminal, after all."

"Um, yes, I have you down here," said the man. "Your trial will be held in courtroom six in about three hours. You are required by village law to remain in the vicinity during the waiting period - "

That was it. That, right there. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I knew right then and there that I would never become a jedi, because I would never control my intensely smoldering hate. Pissed-offness swelled up inside me and busted out every freaking _pore_.

_Maximum, don't – _the Voice began to warn. But he didn't have much to be afraid of. I'm not really a shouter. I prefer cool, calm, and piss-your-pants-scary outbursts.

"Yes," I said in a false sweet voice. There was a mixture of ice and fire underneath it. "I would _love _to stay in this gorgeous waiting room and await my no doubt unfair trial that will be executed by a bunch of fascists. Because, you know, laying down the law _always _works with me. That is my favorite thing to do!"

_You, my dear charge, are an imbecile, _said the Voice.

"Shut up before I rip you out of my brain and feed you to a Blast-Ended Skrewt," I smiled brightly.

"P-pardon?" asked the man at the desk, now looking thoroughly terrified.

I snarled at him. "Up yours, four-eyes!"

I spun on my heel and made for the exit.

**FANG  
>Buffy the Vampire Slayer<br>Sunnydale**

_"I still think you're lying about the Lord of the Rings. That would just be too good to be true – not that I care about that kind of stuff," he said quickly. "So dorky."_

_ Buffy rolled her eyes._

About two hours later Xander and Dawn set out for the wilds of Sunnydale High. Ten minutes later, Tara and Willow were gone for their college classes. Apparently, the idea of staying in dorms had been ditched. There was an extra room in the house (no one mentioned who it had previously belonged to) and since Willow and Tara were a couple anyways, they decided to share said room to help Buffy take care of Dawn (Fang was beginning to think there was an orphan situation going on here).

With everyone else gone, Buffy rounded on her winged guest.

"Giles time," she said.

"Pardon?"

"We're going to The Magic Box," said Buffy. "To consult Giles. I mentioned him, right? Resident demon-and-all-else-evil expert? And we're walking, since I can't drive."

Fang was about to remind her of his flying abilities, but remembered that it was broad daylight over a bustling small town in _California_, the state where viral media was invented, not to mention horribly perfected. He couldn't just whip it out (his wings, of course. What did you think it meant, pervert?) in public, he'd be headline news before you could say 'no one reads newspapers anymore'.

Also, he had no clue where this 'magic box' was.

So he allowed Buffy to lea him through Sunny D. She turned it into a bit of a tour to keep the awkwardness away.

"And see there, that's the fifth graveyard ever built in this town. Hit overflow in '78. The eighth one is still accepting new corpses, though… oh! Okay, now we're in _town _town. There's the Bronze, down that alley. Huge center for demon activity. Nightclub, you know? Vamps are pretty clubby. And down there used to be this costume shop, and everyone who wore something from it one Halloween actually turned into what they were dressed as. That was one crazy gig. Oh, here we are!"

They had arrived in front of a blue building. The sign proclaimed 'The Magic Box'.

"Giles owns it. It's a magic store. But a _real _magic store, not that fake kiddy crap. C'mon."

_A magic store? _What did it stock, flying carpets? Eye of Newt? Fang was beginning to wonder who this Giles guy was. He picture a cloaked, dark figure in the red, shadowed light of a creepy alleyway, glowering secretively.

"Hey, Giles. This is Fang."

The man at the desk looked up from the cash register. He was not dark, or cloaked, or glowering, or in fact intimidating in any way, shape, or form. He was middle aged, with greying and receding hair, glasses, and a tweed jacket that was just _so _proper and professor-like, Fang could tell he was British before he even opened his mouth.

"Oh, hello Buffy. And, er, Fang. One moment, please, I'm waiting for Anya to come in, she's late again, then we can talk," he said in a – surprise surprise – upper-class British accent.

"That's cool," said Buffy. "For once it's not life-or-death."

Fang's eyes wandered across the shelves and he found he was not at all far off with his eye of newt theory. There was a display case of crystal balls and grotesque skulls. On the table next to him were candles with strange labels he wouldn't ever have dreamed of associating with scented candles. Goat Earwax? Mixed Bird Dung? Oxygen? He could imagine gifting one of those to Max. 'Hi, honey, I bought you a scented candle! Blood of Your Enemies! Isn't that great?'

Not far away were jars stuffed with rattle snake rattles, rat tails (and we're not talking the hairstyle here), orangutan livers, chimera hearts – you name it. And people were actually _buying _stuff. Several customers milled around, examining spell books or Venus' All-Predator Fly Traps (legit giant plants growing in a corner flower pot that snapped at anyone who came too close).

"Used for spells, mostly. Ingredients, I guess," Buffy intoned, seeing his bemused look. "I'm not really a magicky person, to be honest."

"It's kind of cool, actually," he said slowly. "In a Harry Potter kind of way." And then, because he couldn't resist –"book seven, by the way – I cried."

Buffy looked confused, and opened her mouth to request clarification, but she was interrupted as a person burst through the door.

"Sorry I'm late! There wasn't any traffic, I just didn't want to get out of bed."

**IGGY AND ANGEL  
>Avatar: the Last Airbender<br>Full Moon Bay**

_ "Great!" said Katara. "We can travel through the Serpent's Pass together!"_

_ "The Serpent's Pass?" Ying clapped a hand over her mouth. "Only the truly desperate take that deadly route!"_

_ There was a moment of silence, and then Toph grinned. "Deadly route!" Her fist snapped out and practically knocked Sokka over. "Great pick, Sokka!"_

"Yeah, right, like the ladies dig Mohawk-ponytails. No way."

"If you don't shut up _right _now, so help me I will - "

"Ssh! Sokka!"

"Me? The stupid dog hasn't clammed up in hours, and it's _me_ you're shushing?"

"Who're you calling a stupid dog?"

Refer to the above for a typical conversation (held in a whisper of course) while team Avatar (and guests) travelled in the presence of Lady, Man, and Prego-chick (a creative name Iggy had come up with for their new travel-mates). They had decided, as a group, to conceal both the wings and the talking dog as long as they were around said Lady, man and Prego-chick. Seeing as Total had wings as well, and his little doggy vest had mysteriously vanished, they had resorted to cramming him in Sokka's backpack and letting him out only to eat and piss.

As one could imagine, this resulted in a very cramped, harassed, annoyed, and therefore slightly psychotic doggy.

"Chill, people," Toph said, in that voice that screamed I-would-be-rolling-my-eyes-right-now-if-I-knew-how-to. "We're almost there. I can feel it."

On the advice of Lady, Man, and Prego-chick they'd decided to head for Full Moon Bay, a hidden ferry port for refugees trying to make it to Ba Sing Se. Apparently it was somewhat of a safe haven, and the Fire Nation had no idea it existed.

"You can feel it in your bones?" Total asked in a mock old lady voice.

"No, I can feel it in my feet."

"Oh, yeah. Right."

They were interrupted by a shout from up ahead.

"There it is, slowpokes!" Angel called. "Hurry _up_."

Full Moon Bay was bustling with activity. Hundreds of refugees milled around, varying dramatically in age, appearance, and personal hygiene standards. It was quiet, though, very quiet. Instead of sound echoing off the cavernous walls, it seemed to be muffled and strangled. There were tents set up where tired looking-mothers spooned gruel into their children's mouths and rickety old men sat in chairs, staring at the spot where a fire should have been.

"Talk about sucks to suck," Iggy commented.

"So much unhappiness," Angel cocked her head and blinked twice. Sad, yet hopeful thoughts were flying in from every direction, making her headache even more massive. She hastily shut everything off as best she could.

"I can't believe so many people have been affected by this war," Katara's eyes were vaguely saucer-shaped.

"We're all just looking for a little peace, safe behind the walls of Ba Sing Se," said the Man part of Lady, Man, and Prego-chick.

"Oh, _man_," Toph pouted. "This _stinks_."

"I actually don't think it smells that bad, considering," Sokka commented.

"No, _that _stinks," she pointed forward and to her right, but her eyes stayed pointed slightly downwards.

Angel followed the line of Toph's fingers and saw –

"Oh _no_," she moaned. "Look at the _size _of that thing?"

"What? The size of what?" Iggy demanded.

"A line. A massive, long _line_," Angel explained. To everyone's surprise, Iggy grinned maniacally.

"Haha! Well, seeing as we have so long to wait, we may as well start singing now!"

"Singing? What? Oh, wait, no - "

But it was too late.

By the time they were halfway through the line, Iggy had made it down to thirty-seven bottles of beer on the wall and Aang had joined in. Total piped up during some of the verses from the safety of Sokka's backpack, just to freak Lady, Man, and Prego-chick out. They spent many a frantic minute trying to figure out where the third disembodied voice was coming from.

Angel had tuned them out. Katara, it seemed, was trying to as well, but every once in a while she would cast a murderous look at Iggy and the Avatar. Toph had ditched them twenty verses ago and was now passing the time by playing some sort of earthbending soccer, except the soccer ball was a massive boulder. Sokka, on the other hand, looked ready to either commit suicide or go completely off the deep end and murder half the people in the entire cavern. All in all, everyone was at least a little relieved when it only took until negative twenty six bottles of beer on the wall to get to the front of the line. Or at least, Angel was relieved. She remembered once when Iggy and Gazzy had gotten to negative four hundred thirty eight bottles of beer on the wall before Max locked them in separate rooms, banned them from junk food for two weeks, and took away their entire stores of nitroglycerine. They had more nitroglycerine than should be considered healthy for a six and twelve year old to own. Not that it's healthy for six and twelve year olds to own nitroglycerine at all.

…Angel wasn't sure if that was a reason to miss Gazzy or be glad he wasn't there.

**NUDGE AND THE GASMAN  
>Harry Potter<br>Malfoy Manor**

_ "You know what, little girly? This picture looks a hell of a lot like you."_

_ "It isn't! It isn't me!" Hermione squeaked, terrified, but Nudge could tell it wouldn't convince anyone._

_ " '…known to be traveling with Harry Potter,'" Greyback repeated into the silence. A feral grin crept across his gnarled, stubbly face. "Well, this changes things, doesn't it?"_

As they Dissaparated, Gazzy squeezed his eyes shut. He clamped his fingers even more tightly around Nudge's. The awful feeling of being flipped inside out and shoved through a bendy straw threatened to make him vomit, but he valiantly held back his dinner.

His feet slammed into solid ground and he jolted backwards, colliding with others in the circle of prisoners. His eyes blinked open. If he twisted around he could see that they were standing on a country lane at the foot of a long driveway. Looming at the end of said driveway was a massive manor house, protected by wrought-iron gates. He looked forwards again to stop the kink forming in his neck.

_Where are we? _He thought dizzily, and then his mind backtracked. _'I haven't got – they say he's using the Malfoy's place as a base. We'll take the boy there.' _That's what Greyback had said.

Who was 'he'? Voldemort, maybe, or someone else? And who were the Malfoys?

There was a rattling sound from behind him and he knew someone was shaking the gates. "How do we get in? They're locked, Greyback, I can't – blimey!"

This Gazzy had to see. He turned his head again and saw that the iron was _moving_, twisting and curling itself into a head. The mouth moved and a screeching, shaking, voice echoed out.

"State your purpose!"

"We've got Potter!" Greyback snarled. "We've captured Harry Potter!"

There was a moan and the gates swung slowly open. The Gasman looked forward again.

"Come on!" Greyback ordered. The prisoners began shuffling their feet in order to travel forward – or in Gazzy's position, backwards – towards the manor. Gravel shifted under his feet, threatening to slide him off balance. He was concentrating almost too hard to notice an albino peacock strutting into view. He'd seen pictures of albino peacocks on the internet – Angel had gone through a phase where she was totally obsessed with peacocks and wanted one as a pet – and he had to admit, they were really cool. It looked like a giant snowflake, a beacon of light standing against the gaunt, grey estate.

It was unnatural.

There was the sound of knocking and a door was thrown open. Yellow torchlight illuminated the doorstep.

"What is this?" it was a woman's voice, cold and measured.

"We're here to see He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!" said Greyback.

"Who are you?" asked the woman.

"You know me!" Greyback snarled. "Fenrir Greyback! We've caught _Harry Potter_!"

The entire circle of prisoners was jolted to the right as Greyback dragged Harry to the front.

"I know 'e's swollen, ma'am, but it's 'im!" said Scabior. Gazzy tried to place his accent. It was like a mix between Scottish, very lower-class English, and cockney, with a bit of Australian thrown in for good measure. He was already memorizing the patterns. It would be fun to try and imitate Scabior. "If you look a bit closer, you'll see 'is scar. And this 'ere, see the girl? The Mudblood who's been traveling around with 'im, ma'am. There's no doubt it's 'im, and we've got 'is wand as well! 'Ere, ma'am - "

A wand changed possession. There was a pause.

"Bring them in," said the woman.


	9. Epsilon Again

**I just realized I haven't done a single disclaimer for the entire story…**

**/shot**

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN EVERYTHING. IN MY DREAMS.**

**Now that counts for the entire story, got it?**

**MAX  
>Naruto<br>Sunagakure**

_ "Shut up before I rip you out of my brain and feed you to a Blast-Ended Skrewt," I smiled brightly._

_ "P-pardon?" asked the man at the desk, now looking thoroughly terrified._

_ I snarled at him. "Up yours, four-eyes!"_

_ I spun on my heel and made for the exit._

"Wait!" Naruto lunged and grabbed my wrist, but I wheeled and karate-chopped him. This guy may be a ninja or whatever, but I know enough about pressure points to make his fingers involuntarily spring open. And then, pulling the most idiotic stunt ever, I lifted off in the middle of a crowded street.

But I mean, really, what _more _could go wrong?

With the life I lead? Everything, of course. Why would I even ask that question? I'm jinxing myself, totally. Just _asking _for the universe to screw with me. Not literally. But I just knew that a giant flying alligator is going to swoop down now and attack me with a pink polka-dotted spork.

Or, possibly, I could be smashed into a wall by a body shooting through the air at top speed while I coasted over the roof of a building. That could happen, too.

_Voice, why does my life suck so hard? _I asked, resigning myself to the situation. Apparently the Voice had no answer, so I sighed and picked myself up to look at my attacker, trying to ignore the fact that I could literally _feel _the bruises blooming all over my left side where I swear that brick wall buckled under the force of my being flung at it.

He looked exactly the same as he always did. Tall, muscular, mid-teens. Not quite bald, but an extremely short buzz cut, scalp crisscrossed with scars. All the damage I'd inflicted on him may as well not have happened – it had healed already. His golden eyes glinted in the pounding sunlight, but they were completely blank. In fact, his entire face was void of emotion. There was no hint on his face, or in the way he held himself, that said he was angry at me for beating the living crap out of him a couple weeks previously.

"Epsilon!" I held out my arms like I was offering a hug. "Long time no attack! How you been, buddy?"

"Experiment 204," he said coldly.

"That is one of my aliases, yes," I said. "I'm so glad you remember."

"Your positive reception of me is illogical," he said.

"Remember that _sarcasm _thing we talked about?"

"Yes. I have very extensive memory," he said robotically.

"That's good to know," I rolled my eyes. "Look, did you come here to chit-chat, or to fight? Because I _really _want to beat someone up right now."

He cocked his head. I noticed that he hadn't yet dropped into a fighting stance.

"I have, in fact… come to… _chit-chat_," he said, with an odd expression on his face, like he wasn't quite sure about what he was saying.

"_Really!_ Well, let me give you a hint – throwing someone into a wall? _Not _a great conversation starter," I snapped.

"I merely sought to attract your attention."

"Oh, you're such a flirt," I said through gritted teeth. "What exactly do you want to talk about? I don't exactly have much time, you know."

I glanced back where I came from. Sure enough, an orange speck was bouncing my way already.

"I have come to request your assistance," he blurted. I stared at him.

"Um, why don't we take this under cover?" I suggested cautiously, and leapt down from the roof. Without hesitation, he followed my behind a dumpster.

**FANG  
>Buffy the Vampire Slayer<br>The Magic Shop**

_ "It's kind of cool, actually," he said slowly. "In a Harry Potter kind of way." And then, because he couldn't resist –"book seven, by the way – I cried."_

_ Buffy looked confused, and opened her mouth to request clarification, but she was interrupted as a person burst through the door._

_ "Sorry I'm late! There wasn't any traffic, I just didn't want to get out of bed," said the newcomer._

"Anya," Giles barked. "It's time for you to man the cash register. I have business to attend to."

"Business? What, like having a nice chat with Buffy?" the woman – Anya – sidled over to the checkout counter, pushing past a disgruntled looking customer. "Cash register? Ooh, money!"

"Hi, Anya, this is Fang," said Buffy. "Fang, this is Anya. She's Xander's girlfriend."

"Oh, you've met Xander?" Anya smiled happily. "We totally had sex last night."

Fang blinked. There was a long, uncomfortable silence.

"Oooo-kayyy," said Buffy finally.

Giles shot Anya _the Look _(remarkably similar to Max's) and when that went unnoticed, grit his teeth and sighed.

Buffy flounced forward, dragging Fang along with her.

"Is she always like that?" Fang muttered.

"Oh yeah, all the time," Buffy nodded.

Giles led them into a back room. Said back room was surprisingly quite normal – or, that is to say, Fang felt comfortable in it. He didn't feel like the one lilac in a field of daisies.

…okay, bad metaphor.

More like… raven in a flock of seagulls. There. That works.

Anyways, it was a workout room. But it was more than just a workout room. It was a room containing everything you could possibly need to condition yourself to kick major ass. We're talking knives, swords, axes, throwing stars, a bench press, gym mats, tranquilizer guns, weird hook things, and even a few cans of Mace.

_Like, whoah. My element._

"This is Fang," Buffy introduced. "Fang, this is Giles."

"So, ah, forgive me if this strikes you as rude," Giles began, removing his glasses and polishing them on his shirt. "But, ah, what are you, precisely?"

"He's a mutant," Buffy supplied before Fang had even had a chance to open his mouth. "Part bird."

"2% bird," Fang added. Giles's eyebrows arched as he examined him over his spectacles.

"2%? And that results in… what physical attributes?"

Again with the lack of reaction! "Feathers," said Fang wryly. Giles seemed to catch his drift.

"Ah."

"So, anyways, Fang has a little problem," Buffy continued, and then looked at Mr. Two-percent-bird expectantly.

"I don't know how I got here," Fang said, realizing as he said it how stupid it sound. "I mean, I wasn't here before. I was somewhere else. Have you heard of the Lord of the Rings?"

"Of course," Giles polished his spectacles again. "Yes, of course I have."

"Well, I was there."

"Reading it?" Giles frowned.

"No, I mean I was _there _there. In person," said Fang. Giles looked skeptical. "No, really, I'm serious."

Giles got a faraway look in his eyes. "I think… I may have heard of something… something similar… I need my books…"

"Book away," said Buffy. "Does this mean we're in research mode?"

"W – well… yes, I would say so," said Giles. "I think I have just the volume…"

He disappeared into yet another back room and came out several seconds later supporting half a dozen thick, dusty books.

"You're going to have to tell me _everything_."

**IGGY AND ANGEL  
>Avatar: The Last Airbender<br>Full Moon Bay**

"_Next_!" shouted the burly, apish woman at the front desk.

"Hello," said Aang. "Six tickets for the ferry to Ba Sing Se, please."

"Passports," the woman said robotically.

"Uh… no one told us we needed to have passports," Aang said in a panicky voice.

"Don't you know who this is?" Sokka said loudly. "He's the _Avatar_!"

"Bah! I see fifty Avatars a _day_," the woman at the desk scoffed. "And by the way, not a very impressive costume."

She pointed a finger and Angel noticed that there were about a dozen people dressed in varying degrees of similarity to Aang bumming around, looking dejected.

"Besides," the woman added, indicating Momo. "No animals allowed. Do I need to call security?"

She pointed at 'security'. Aang took one look at what looked like a mixture between a platypus and a bear (was Itex messing around here, too, or were all the animals just that freaky?) was all he needed to shrink back and assure her security wouldn't be necessary.

"_Next_," the woman shouted again.

"_Work your whammy, Ange,_" Iggy hissed so no one else could hear.

"_I can't!_" she hissed back. "_It hurts like a word Max would murder me in my sleep for saying!"_

"I'll take care of this," Toph stepped lazily up to the woman and slammed a piece of paper on the counter.

"My name is Toph Bei Fong and I'll need six tickets," she said confidently.

Angel recognized the expression sliding over the woman's face as she looked at the paper. It was that eager-to-please, butt-kisser look that Angel couldn't stand.

"The golden seal of the flying boar!" she gasped and initiated a little bow. "It is my pleasure to help anyone of the Bei Fong family."

"It _is _your pleasure," said Toph obnoxiously (that obnoxiousness was definitely on purpose). "As you can see, I'm blind, and these five imbeciles are my valets."

Aang, Sokka, Katara, Iggy, and Angel all smiled as sweetly as possible.

"But, the animal - "

"Is my seeing eye lemur," Toph finished.

"Well, normally it's only one ticket per passport, but this document is so official…" the woman thought for a moment. "I guess it's worth six tickets."

She stamped six tickets.

"Thank you very much," Toph reached up to the counter again and slid the tickets off.

"Who are you, like Chuck Norris's cousin or something?" Iggy said with wonder as they walked away. "Because I think Chuck Norris's cousin could probably have gotten away with that."

"No. I'm just rich," Toph shrugged.

"Alright! We scammed that lady good!" Sokka said loudly.

Without warning a hand shot out and grabbed the back of his shirt, yanking him away.

"Tickets and passports, please," said yet another woman. Except this one was more like a girl – she couldn't have been older than seventeen. She was wearing a guard's uniform. She held out her hand and glared.

"Uh… is there a problem?" Sokka said nervously.

"Smooth," said Total from his bag.

"Yeah, I gotta problem with you," the girl snapped, jabbing a finger into his chest. "I've seen your type before. Probably sarcastic, think you're hilarious, and – let me guess – you're travelling with the Avatar."

Sokka screwed up his face.

"…do I _know _you?" he asked.

"You mean you don't remember?" the girl said angrily. "Maybe you'll remember this!"

For a split second, Angel thought the girl was going to attack him, but instead she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek.

"Suki!" Sokka grinned goofily and jumped to hug her.

"Sokka, it's good to see you!" 'Suki' said brightly, pulling back.

"Who's _this_?" Toph said icily. Sokka, unfazed by her tone, wheeled around and shoved Suki in front of him by the shoulders.

"Toph, Jeff, Angie – this is Suki! Suki, this is Toph, Jeff, and Angie," Sokka said.

"And me," came a muffled voice from Sokka's direction.

"What did you say?" Suki asked.

"I didn't – this is Total," Sokka fished around in his backpack and withdrew a pissed-off looking dog.

"Yo," said Total darkly. Suki literally jumped back.

"Woah," she leaned forward again and poked his forehead. "You can talk?"

"Why, yes, I can," Total said, apparently very pleased that someone had asked '_you _can talk?' for once, and not '_it _talks?' or '_you have a dog _that talks?'. It was easy to tell he found it very empowering.

"_Get down_," Sokka hissed, cramming the winged dog back down into the backpack. "Maybe we should find a more private place to talk."

Suki blinked. "Oh – right. There are waiting rooms over here. Follow me."

**NUDGE AND THE GASMAN  
>Harry Potter<br>Malfoy Manor**

"_I know 'e's swollen, ma'am, but it's 'im!" said Scabior. Gazzy tried to place his accent. It was like a mix between Scottish, very lower-class English, and cockney, with a bit of Australian thrown in for good measure. He was already memorizing the patterns. It would be fun to try and imitate Scabior. "If you look a bit closer, you'll see 'is scar. And this 'ere, see the girl? The Mudblood who's been traveling around with 'im, ma'am. There's no doubt it's 'im, and we've got 'is wand as well! 'Ere, ma'am - "_

_ A wand changed possession. There was a pause._

_ "Bring them in," said the woman._

"What is this?"

It was a man. He had long, straight, white-blonde hair, and probably was posh at one point; now, though, his eyes were bloodshot and stubble lay thick on his face.

"They say they've got Potter," said the woman. Nudge thought they looked similar. "Draco, come here."

_Draco _looked similar, as well. This Draco was pale and also had white-blonde hair. His face was slightly sunken, and his pale skin was stretched tightly across his face. Nudge wouldn't be surprised if they were all three related. Draco stood in front of Harry and stared at him blankly, while Harry determinedly looked to the side.

"Well, boy?" Greyback demanded. Bits of spittle flew and hit Nudge on the face. She glared and wiped her cheek on her shoulder as best she could.

"Well, Draco?" the blonde man repeated. "Is it? Is it Harry Potter?"

"I can't – I can't be sure," said Draco.

Nudge could tell he was lying. All her life she'd been lied to and deceived, and it would take an expert to convince _any _of the Flock of a lie. _This won't hurt a bit… if you're a good experiment, you'll get lunch tomorrow… all children live like this, of course… just one more blood sample… just one more mile… just one more bone scraping… one more of this, one more of that… don't be silly, I'll never leave…_

He was looking anywhere but at Harry. He _knew _it was Harry, he just didn't want to admit it to himself, because something really bad would happen if he was wrong.

"But look at him carefully, look! Come closer!" the blonde-haired man prompted Draco closer. "Draco, if we are the ones who hand Potter over to the Dark Lord, everything will be forgiv - "

"Now, we won't be forgetting who actually caught him, I hope, Mr. Malfoy?" Greyback interrupted scathingly.

"Of course not, of course not," said Mr. Malfoy – the blonde man. "What did you do to him How did he get into this state?"

"That wasn't us," said Greyback.

"Looks more like a Stinging Jinx to me," Mr. Malfoy observed. He narrowed his eyes. "There's something there. It could be the scar, stretched right… Draco, come here, look properly! What do you think?"

Draco fidgeted nervously. "I don't know," he said, and turned to walk towards the fireplace.

"We had better be certain, Lucius," said the woman. "Completely sure that it is Potter before we call the Dark Lord… they say this is his," she twirled Harry's want in her fingers. "But it does not resemble Ollivander's description… if we are mistaken, if we call the Dark Lord here for nothing… remember what he did to Rowle and Dolohov?"

"What about the Mudblood, then?" Greyback said. The prisoners were jolted to the side so that the light fell instead on Hermione.

"Wait," said the woman. "Yes – yes, she was in Madam Malkin's with Potter! I saw her picture in the _Prophet_! Look, Draco, isn't it the Granger girl?"

Draco didn't looked doubtful, but rather unenthusiastic. "I… maybe… yeah."

"But then, that's the Weasley boy!" said Mr. Malfoy excitedly. "It's them, Potter's friends – Draco, look at him, isn't it Arthur Weasley's son, what's his name - ?"

"Yeah… it could be."

There was the banging sound of a door being thrown open and Nudge turned her head to see a woman walk in. Her first thought was: she's definitely crazy. The woman's fashion sense could only be described as that of a conservative hooker, and her jet-black, streaked-with-gray hair was so wild Nudge was surprised it stayed on her head.

"What is this? What's happened, Cissy?" the crazy-haired lady demanded. She walked slowly up to the prisoners and stopped in front of Hermione. Her eyes widened. "But surely this is the Mudblood girl? This is Granger?"

**ITEX**

"Wow," Jackson's eyes were wide as saucers. She tapped the computer screen, as if that would make the message change.

"What is it?" Tessorori asked. The two of them were alone in the room. During daylight hours, they took shifts to observe the experiment's reactions, and they were both on duty. Jackson was practically _always _on duty, since she was the only one who could read the code fluently. In fact, the second person in the shift was mostly there for company.

"It's Epsilon. He's behaving… strangely," Jackson said.

"How strangely?"

"He's trying to befriend Experiment 204," Jackson glanced at him. "Look, see?"

Tessorori crossed the room and cast his eyes down at the screen. The background was completely black, and an incomprehensible pattern of letters and numbers scrolled up it like the beginning of a Star Wars movie.

He scowled. "I can't read this."

He was beginning to recognize _some _patterns in the code. He knew what letters represented _girl_, which numbers represented _explosion_, simple things like that, but Jackson could read it like a book. No – easier than a book. It was more like she was watching a movie. He supposed she _did _invent the mathematical theory behind the entire thing, but it was still unnatural, especially considering Jackson was like a Barbie. Your stereotypical ditzy dumb blonde in regular conversation, but really a complete and utter _genius_.

"There, see?" she pointed at a chunk of code. "Something about forgiveness. He wants her to accept him, because he knows we ditched him."

She glanced up at him expectantly.

"This can't be happening," Tessorori muttered. Epsilon _couldn't _be befriending an _avian _– the Director would retire him for sure. "We have to fix this."

"Well, we don't know if she'll accept him or not," Jackson shrugged her shoulders loosely and offered him a bright smile. "I mean, _hopefully _not, because if she actually _trusts _him? That's one stupid move."

Tessorori wanted to snap at her, tell her not to suggest that _his son _was untrustworthy, but logic held him back.

"You're right," he said. "You're right. We're just going to have to – for lack of a better phrase – wing it on this one."

"I hope it turns out alright," Jackson sighed wistfully. "Kidd poured his heart and soul into Epsilon. If it has to be retired, he'll have a fit."

"Right," Tessorori muttered bitterly, turning around and pacing the floor. "Kidd will be devastated for sure."


	10. Spring Cleaning

**Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy**

**What up?**

**Um… yes… you have permission to beat me to death with rusty chains. I won't fight you. I deserve it.**

**MAX  
>Naruto<br>Sunagakure**

_ "I have come to request your assistance," he blurted. I stared at him._

_ "Um, why don't we take this under cover?" I suggested cautiously, and leapt down from the roof. Without hesitation, he followed my behind a dumpster._

"This is interesting cover," he observed mildly.

"Uh… yeah," I looked him over. "What kind of assistance?"

"I would like you to allow me to stay by your side," he said immediately.

"I have several questions," I said. "One. Why? Two. What makes you think I'll let you? Three. You shot Nudge."

" 'You shot Nudge' is not a question," he pointed out.

"I'm finding it hard to care," I said. "Now spit it out before I bash your face into the garbage."

He nodded briskly. "The answer to question one is that I have been abandoned by my superiors," he said.

"So what, you need someone else to give you orders?"

"In part, yes," this guy was seriously to the point. "As well, I have been attacked several times by small bands of Erasers. I seek protection."

"Protec - _protection_?" I looked at him, completely shocked. "You want protection from _me_? Look, buddy, it's not every day that I admit this – but you're faster and stronger than me, and you can do math problems a heck of a lot faster. You don't need my protection."

"Perhaps I am physically and mentally superior," Epsilon 'allowed'. "But, as the saying goes, two heads are better than one. As for your second question, perhaps you should consult the _Sapiuns Unus_."

"The what?"

_He means me, _said the Voice. Sapiuns Unus _means 'wise one' in Latin. That is my model title._

_ Right. I knew that. _And I _did _know that. A moment after Epsilon said it, the words registered in my mind. What I didn't know was why the Voice was called the wise one.

_Perhaps the amount of information I provide you with could serve as a hint, _said the Voice dryly.

_Yeah, yeah, you're a genius – but what about this Epsilon spiel? _My eyes never left the new-and-improved Omega's face. I was searching for the slightest flicker that would suggest he wanted to attack me.

_Remember what I told you, Max. Epsilon could be your most valuable friend._

_ Right, like that's the most helpful thing anyone's ever told me –_

"_There _you are!"

Aaaaaaand that's our show! Tune in next week for another installment of _Max Getting Chased by Freaking Ninjas_!

"Good to see you," I said dryly.

"Look, if you don't actually do what you're supposed to, I might have to take you in by force," Naruto said.

"I'm utterly terrified," my voice was laden with sarcasm, even though I probably _should _have been scared of him.

But I'm Maximum Ride – I don't _get _scared. I do, however, get overwhelmed slightly. Right then was an overwhelming moment. Would you like to know why?

I was trapped in an unfamiliar place without a single Flock member or familiar face from _real life_, the Voice was being completely unhelpful, I was being chased by fascist ninjas, Epsilon was practically begging for my forgiveness (okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little there), freaking Naruto was annoying and wore to much orange, it was _super-duper _hot, and I had to pee really badly.

Epsilon narrowed his eyes. "Who is the newcomer?"

Naruto shot me a look, apparently completely baffled. "What did he just say?"

"He no ablo English," I told Epsilon.

"_What _did you just say?" Naruto looked even _more _confused.

"Isn't it cool how there's more than one language in existence?" I rolled my eyes, and then turned to Epsilon. "Epi pen! This is Naruto, the one who's trying to bring me into custody."

And then, before I had a chance to stop it (not that I wanted to) – in fact, I couldn't even _see _it happening – Epsilon had shot forward like the cork out of a bottle of champagne and nailed Naruto in the face. He stumbled backwards, clutching his nose.

"WHAT THE OW!" he shouted.

"Epsilon!" I admonished.

"He is a threat to our partnership," Epsilon said calmly.

"_What partnership?_" I threw my arms up. "_ARE YOU CRAZY?_"

"_Who is that guy?_" Naruto snapped.

"He's this dude who until very recently has been consistently trying to kill me," I said, completely dumbfounded. "Now he's… defending our _partnership_. We are not _partners_. Oh, lordy dee…"

"Uh… I'm confused," said Naruto.

"You're not alone."

No. I didn't say that. That wasn't me. It was, however, the guy dressed in all white robes with the funky hat and the trippy tattoos who had appeared like a whisper at the mouth of the alleyway.

"Hey! I know _you_!" Naruto pointed. "You're one of the… the _guys_… I swear I've seen you before…"

"Are you one of the fascists?" I demanded. "Oh, of course you are. Everyone here is a fascist. You're all fascists, communists, evil dictators, and Nazis at the same time! Not to mention - " shudder. "_Tea partiers. _Because, you know, that makes perfect sense."

Unfortunately, this guy didn't seem to appreciate my scathing wit, because the next thing I knew I was pinned to the _stone wall _by _ninja stars._

WTF?

"WTF?" I snapped. "How rude!"

Seriously, I get my sweatshirt back in prime condition and two seconds later he has to go _poke holes in it!_

"The Suna is done being soft," said the new guy. "You are coming with me, and I will take you by force."

And that's how I found myself being dragged kicking and screaming by a forty five year old man in a tricked out turban with Epsilon in tow while simultaneously being scolded by an orange-clad 'ninja'.

Hallelujah.

**FANG  
>Buffy the Vampire Slayer<br>Sunnydale, California**

_ He disappeared into yet another back room and came out several seconds later supporting half a dozen thick, dusty books._

_ "You're going to have to tell me everything."_

"I'm sure he thinks I'm insane," Fang stated nonchalantly as they walked away from the magic shop.

"You'd be surprised," Buffy said. "We see a lot of insane things. Your dilemma may or may not make the top twenty."

He snorted. Just his luck, get stuck somewhere where things were even freakier than he was used to.

"_Any_ways, I've been meaning to flush out this vamp nest a few blocks away. I figure I can get the job done lickety-split if I just bust the ceiling off and let the sun stream in from the heavens. Wanna come?" Buffy asked.

"Come help you kill things?" Fang looked at her. "Yes, please."

Buffy led him to what looked like a cross between a dilapidated old hut and a small warehouse. It was made mostly out of wood except for the sheet of aluminum roof that resembled a Lays potato chip.

"Okay," said Buffy. "I need you to distract them."

He looked at her.

"It'll be easy. Just go in there and keep their attention. They're only vampires!"

"Only vampires," he said.

"Yep," she grabbed him around the shoulders and shoved him towards the door, which fell open on impact. "Have fun!"

He stumbled over the threshold, squinting through the dark. He could see shapes lurking, but none of them were making a move towards him. _Strange…_

Suddenly, a strong hand gripped his arm and shoved him to the left.

"Now what have we got here?" said a man with a southern accent. "Room service! How thoughtful."

Fang tore his arm away.

"Oooh, this one's _feisty_," the man teased. There were several chuckles. He could now see well enough to identify about a dozen people in the room, all with faces twisted and contorted, canines peeking out and eyes yellow.

If he were Max, he would have responded with a snarky comment and then a sock to the face. Since he was Fang, though, he skipped straight to the 'sock to the face' part.

Turns out, it's not the greatest idea to attack a vampire while in its nest. The others immediately sprang into action, gnashing their teeth and swinging their fists around. In less than three seconds he had disappeared completely under a writhing dog pile of bloodsucking hellbeasts that were trying to rip his throat out.

Life is a truly beautiful thing, isn't it?

He was just getting around to wondering how the whole turning-into-a-vampire thing was supposed to work, since he was pretty sure he was stuck like a pincushion with fangs, when there was a screeching of metal and suddenly the world was on fire. Well, actually, the vampires were on fire. He kicked them off as they writhed in pain. Several exploded into dust right then and there, but some managed to retreat into the shadows before dying a horrible combustive death. Buffy jumped down from the frame of the roof and tossed him a stake. It was easy the kill the rest of them.

"Ow," said Fang. "Okay. That was productive."

"Yeah, it was, wasn't it?" Buffy said. "Hey, are you hungry?"

**IGGY AND ANGEL  
>Avatar: the Last Airbender<br>Full Moon Bay**

_ "Get down," Sokka hissed, cramming the winged dog back down into the backpack. "Maybe we should find a more private place to talk."_

_ Suki blinked. "Oh – right. There are waiting rooms over here. Follow me."_

Some minutes later they were all situated in what Angel supposed could have passed as a waiting room. It was elevated off the ground and had walls, but it wasn't cozy or warm as waiting rooms were supposed to be. They sat on stone benches and tried to ignore the fact that the other group of refugees in the room were having a rather animated conversation about each other's love lives.

"You look so different without your makeup," Katara observed. "And the new outfit!"

"She used to wear a lot of makeup," Sokka supplied for the benefit of Angel, Iggy, and Total. "Like, a _lot_."

"It _was traditional Kyoshi warrior battle paint_," Suki corrected him. "Anyways, that crabby old lady makes all the security guards dress like this. And look at you, sleeveless guy. Been working out?"

"Eh, I'll grab a tree branch and do a few chin touches now and then. Nothing major," said Sokka, stretching and flexing his arms. Angel and Katara both rolled their eyes.

"Are the other Kyoshi warriors around?" Aang asked.

"Yeah," Suki nodded. "After you left Kyoshi, we wanted to find out a way to help people. We ended up escorting a couple refugees and we've been here ever since."

Momo jumped up on the ledge and looked at Suki with wide, watery eyes, obviously begging for attention. Suki giggled and rubbed his ears.

"It's good to see you, too, Momo," she said. "So why are you guys getting tickets for the ferry? Can't you just fly across on Appa?"

"Appa is missing," Katara explained grimly. "We hope to find him in Ba Sing Se."

"I'm so sorry to hear that," said Suki, and then, to Aang, "Are you doing okay?"

"I'm doing fine," Aang snapped. "Would everybody stop worrying about me?"

"Avatar Aang!" Angel recognized that voice – it was Prego-chick! In fact, Lady, Man, _and _Prego-chick were gathered below the window right outside the waiting room. Angel hop-skipped up to the ledge and perched on it, looking down. "We need your help! Someone took all our belongings, our passports, our tickets, everything's gone!"

And she proceeded to burst into tears.

"I'll talk to the lady for you," Aang said firmly.

But when they did talk to the lady, she didn't seem very enthusiastic.

"No passports, no tickets!" said the ticket woman, and she hit Aang in the head with her stamp, leaving an imprint of squiggly lines on his forehead.

"But she's pregnant, and all their stuff was stolen!" Aang objected. "You have to make an exception."

_Have to make an exception. _Angel frowned, screwed up her face, and stared at the woman as hard as she could. _You have to make an exception, lady. Give them their tickets_. It felt like a knife had stabbed her right through the skull. She reached up and yanked on her hair, trying not to cry out, cutting off the connection. _Mind control's off_, she thought grimly.

"You okay?" Iggy had noticed, somehow, that she was in pain. Creepy.

"Yeah, fine…"

"No exceptions!" the woman shouted. "If I just gave away tickets willy-nilly to everyone, there would be no more order! And you know what that means? No more civilization!"

"What if we gave them _our _tickets?" Aang suggested.

"No!"

"But -"

"NEXT!"

Aang stomped back towards the group of observers. "Don't worry," he said angrily. "We'll get you to the city safely. I'll lead you through the Serpant's Pass."

**NUDGE AND THE GASMAN  
>Harry Potter<br>Malfoy Manor**

_ "What is this? What's happened, Cissy?" the crazy-haired lady demanded. She walked slowly up to the prisoners and stopped in front of Hermione. "But surely this is the Mudblood girl? This is Granger?"_

"Yes, yes, it's Granger!" cried Mr. Malfoy. "And beside her, we think, Potter! Potter and his friends, caught at last!"

"Potter?" crazy-hair shrieked. "Are you sure? Well then, the Dark Lord must be informed at once!"

"I was about to call him!" Mr. Malfoy objected as crazy-hair began pulling up her sleeve. "_I _shall summon him, Bella, Potter has been brought to my house, and it is therefore upon my authority - "

"Your authority!" crazy-hair laughed, trying to pull her arm away. "You lost your authority when you lost your wand, Lucius! How dare you! Take your hands off me!"

"This is nothing to do with you, you did not capture the boy - "

"Begging your pardon, _Mr. _Malfoy," Greyback remarked. "But it's us that caught Potter, and it's us that'll be claiming the gold - "

"Gold!" crazy-hair laughed again. "Take your gold, filthy scavenger, what do I want with gold? I seek only the honor of his – of - "

She froze, staring at something. Mr. Malfoy wrenched free and yanked his sleeve up.

"STOP!" crazy-hair shrieked. "Do not touch it, we shall all perish is the Dark Lord comes now!"

Crazy-hair stepped behind Nudge, and when she turned her head she caught sight of something long and silver. _The sword. _She wasn't quite clear on why the sword was important, but she knew it was.

"What is that?" crazy-hair asked.

"Sword," grunted the Snatcher in possession of said artifact.

"Give it to me," crazy-hair said coolly.

"It's not yorn, missus, I reckon I found it."

Before Nudge even had time to go through in her mind and figure out what that string of total illiteracy meant, crazy-hair had sliced her wand through the air. There was a bang and a flash of red light and the Snatcher crumpled.

"What d'you think you're playing at, woman?" One of the other Snatchers shouted.

"_Stupefy!_" crazy-hair screamed. "_Stupefy!_"

In seconds, the four remaining Snatchers were unconscious on the ground and Greyback was knelt before crazy-hair, with the sword in his hand.

"Where did you get this sword?" she asked in a hoarse whisper, plucking it from his un-objecting grasp.

"How dare you?" he snarled. "Release me, woman!"

She waved the sword around threateningly. "Where did you find this sword? Snape sent it to my vault in Gringotts!"

Gringotts, Nudge remembered, was the wizard bank. "It was in their tent. Release me, I say!"

Crazy-hair waved her wand without conviction and Greyback was immediately able to stand up. He still seemed to scared to approach, however.

"Draco, move this scum outside," crazy-hair indicated the unconscious Snatchers. "If you haven't got the guts to finish them, then leave them in the courtyard for me."

"Don't you dare speak to Draco like – "

Nudge took advantage of the ensuing argument to tip her head back so her mouth was right next to Gazzy's ear.

"If there's any opportunity – _any _opportunity at all, even if it's just for you – _skedaddle_, you hear me?" she hissed so quietly that she doubted even that Dean boy, who was right next to the Gasman, could fully make out what she'd said.

"I'd never just _go alone_," Gazzy whispered back, equally as quietly. Nudge scowled. She was trying to be _brave_, to _channel Max_, why couldn't he just go along with it? He was making her doubt herself.

"But if you got out you could blow this place to smithereens and rescue us," she countered after a moment's thought. Gazzy fell silent for a few seconds.

"That would be fun," he admitted.

"_Stop whispering!_" Nudge felt the sting of a slap on her face and glared murderously. It was crazy-hair. She drew a silver knife and cut Hermione free from the other prisoners and then tossed Greyback his wand. Greyback grimaced at her, but waved it. Nudge found herself and the others being shoved forward by an invisible hand.

"Reckon she'll let me have a bit of the girl when she's finished with her?" Greyback gave a throaty laugh as he led them down a narrow staircase. "I'd say I'll get a bite or two, wouldn't you, ginger?"

Ron's shaking was practically vibrating the lot of them.

Greyback tapped a thick, heavy-looking door and it swung open into blackness. He shut the door behind him, and they were engulfed in darkness. The only sound to be heard was Hermione's horrible screaming in the room above.


End file.
